Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Smooth Moves

I can't stand it!  This is so cute!  I was watching a couple of kiddos this morning for friends.  The kids were running everywhere and were playing crazy.  We also had Beauty and the Beast on in the background, and suddenly they started paying attention to the movie when Gaston was fighting the Beast and fell off the mountain.  They started yelling like Gaston, too, and I knew my favorite part of the movie was coming next--when Beauty tells the Beast she loves him, and he transforms into a handsome prince.  I didn't want the kids to pretend to be Gaston through the best part of the movie, since it was the only scene I wanted to watch, and I told them, "Okay, let's be quiet.  This is the special part of the movie."  So they calmed down, and Tyson got his friend, Becca, to turn her head to watch it.  The next thing I know, he put his cute little arm around her and they snuggled innocently through the last 5 minutes of the movie.  I couldn't believe I caught the picture.  It cracks me up.  They had no idea I was sneaking a picture, but I'm so glad I caught it.  Do you think she can wait until he's home from his mission?  I don't know...that's quite a ways away from now.  They're still a little too young to dream about things like that, but today they made an adorable little "pair".  : )


 This is my hilarious 4 year old who is too curious for his own good.  And, yes, those are dirty little feet, because I'm a stellar mom who lets her children play outside without shoes on most of the time, unless it's cold.
 I tried to get him to smile really quick, but he was ultra claustrophobic, even though he was stuck in there for under a minute.  Don't ask me why he thought it would be fun to play in the bottom of the stroller.
And this is my macho 2 year old, who thought he could pull his brother out of the stroller ALL BY HIMSELF.  I love these boys.  They crack me up.  : )  The stroller is now safely stored out of their reach.  I never imagined it could be a hazardous cave.  Leave it to the little guys to make discoveries like that.

Monday, November 21, 2011


1 Nephi 17:6

"...we had suffered many afflictions and much difficulty, yea, even so much that we cannot write them all...."

This scripture has been on my mind ever since I read it a few weeks ago.  This is a critical moment for Nephi and his family, because they had been wandering in the wilderness for 8 years, and now there was no more wilderness, just the water.  And they had to cross it.  And "notwithstanding [the crazy amount of afflictions and the new obstacle in their faces, they] were exceedingly rejoiced" when they came to the seashore.

I sit and wonder, "What were their afflictions?"  I can only imagine.  Did they get stung by scorpions?  Did birds and wild animals try to stead their food?  Did they get terrible sicknesses?  Malaria? Extreme fevers?  Did they have children die?  What about their feet?  After 8 years of wandering, surely you're bound to get blisters on your feet, and have cracked and bleeding soles at some point. Maybe the rancid smells of the camels afflicted them.  Then I remembered...being around Laman & Lemuel 24/7 would be a major affliction in itself.  Not only did his brothers try to kill him at one point or another, I'll bet they were simply irritating in general.  There were weddings while they journeyed.  Did the girls have to go without a nice wedding dress?  Did they have to sacrifice the reception they would have had if they had stayed in Jerusalem?  Were there dust storms and did the sand scratch their eyes?  Surely there was nothing like Visine back then, or eye doctors along the way to tell them they had a scratched cornea and not to rub it.  Maybe having no shade was a daily affliction as they traveled--were they majorly sunburned at times?  Surely all that walking gave them chaffing and sores.  Maybe their children wandered off and it took hours to find them.  And I'll bet that even before the bow broke, there were times that they all suffered from thirst, hunger, and fatigue.

Then I think about their pregnant women.

And I think about myself and the lingering self-pity I've had for the last 3months and realize:  At least I didn't have to travel in the wilderness while I felt like this.  I'll bet they didn't even have Zofran.  I probably would have died without it.  Instead I've been able to sleep for hours when I'm dizzy and fatigued.  I've been able to watch cartoons with my kids while I try not to throw up instead of wandering in the wilderness and fainting because of the exhaustion.  There have been some days that I didn't know how I could move one foot in front of the other.  I had no choice but to keep my schedule.  And let me tell you, it's been both a life-saver to keep the schedule, and an emotional breaker.  Sometimes it's the schedule that made sure I could at least get dressed for the day and do ONE productive thing.  And other times it was the schedule that gave me anxiety and made me cry because I felt so insane to still be living up to all of my commitments.

Nephi and his family had everything in Jerusalem.  They "lost everything" so that they could get to the promised land.  The "Promised Land" sounds wonderful, right?  It was wonderful, but by no means was it easy.  Having a child is like that.

I've seen both sides of the fertility spectrum.  I have sat on the side wondering if I would ever be able to have children of my own in this life.  I have also had the holes of loss filled in my heart because of the most beautiful blessings from Heaven: Tyson and Emmett.  And while I have been grateful to be expecting again, by no means has it been easy this time around.  I used to be really good when I was pregnant with Tyson.  Like REALLY good.  Each time I would throw up, I would be praying out of gratitude that I knew I was still pregnant.  Well...that's A LOT easier to do when you only throw up 5 times in your entire pregnancy.  When you throw up 5 times in 2 hours, your prayers have to change from pure gratitude to a begging or a plea for help to get through it and to still be a functional mother.  And I know the Lord doesn't think the less of me.  I know he knows I'm still grateful, but for whatever reason, this time around has not been allowed to be easy.  I've been so down, and so thrown out of my groove.

My dad one day with sympathy and love told me to "Thank Him."  I said, "What do you mean?  I am grateful to be having a baby."  And he said, "No, thank him for what you're learning."  And at that time I told my dad that I actually hadn't learned anything from this experience of extreme sickness.  Haha!...At least I couldn't see the things I had been learning.  But because he said that, I've been thoughtful ever since, and while I didn't recognize what I had been learning, I have learned so much.

There was a day that I would write notes in the margins of things I was reading that Love = Pain.  Part of me wonders if the law of opposition means that to whatever end of happiness you'll reach, you will have to experience the exact same depth of sorrow to match it.  Luckily because of the Atonement we don't have to linger in the depths of despair moments forever.  But when I look at the "happiest people in the world", it makes me wonder what extent of sorrow or sadness they've seen in their lives.  And while I felt sometimes that Love = Pain, I would still sing my heart out to the Celine Dion song that says, "I could never be sorry for love, because with you I've lived a thousand lives in one."

That's how it is with this baby that is on its way.  We chose to have this child.  We planned it.  Mitch and I were and are excited.  We've made financial sacrifices to make this possible.  We've had a history that's given us an interesting view on what it means to be parents and we know this is what we want.  And only 16 weeks into this, our love for this child has already caused us some pain and suffering, but we're excited to see the "thousand lives in one" moments that come when you look into your child's eyes.  At this point, we've been joking that this baby is going to come out grounded, though, because of how sick it's made me.  : )

Several weeks ago I asked Mitch if he was even having fun being married to me lately, and if he was happy, even though this pregnancy has really put its toll on him, too (he's been so exhausted--working more hours, and picking up all of my slack with the house and the kids).  And he just looked at me and told me he loves me. "You bear me children in sorrow," he said.  He made me laugh so hard.  Because that's one of the thoughts I've been pondering.  I don't know where the scripture is, but I know that even Eve, the Mother of All of us, had to bear children in sorrow.  I've always wondered why it had to be sorrowful.  I still don't really know why, but it IS!  It's also the most joyful experience in the world to be a parent.  No one can fully explain the depth of pain or joy of the experience until you go through it yourself.

One day I told Tyson that Mom and Dad love him THE MOST of anybody on this earth.  He said back to me, "No, everyone loves me the most!"  And, don't get me wrong--this child has had a lot of love in his life.  He has stellar aunts and uncles and grandparents on both sides of the family, plus he believes that he has the most friends in the world because of how awesome all the kids in our ward and preschool are.  So, he's felt a lot of love.  But it was just sweet, because I looked in his face, knowing he won't understand until he's a dad someday, and I said, "Nope, Mom and Dad do."  I never truly knew how much my parents loved me until I had children of my own.

What's funny is that a few weeks ago when I thought I would never quit being nauseous.  When I was on 4 Zofran a day and still had my mouth water ALL DAY like I was going to throw up.  When I would smell a NORMAL smell and it would make my stomach literally wrench into knots--the feeling in my stomach was comparable to the way you wring out a towel by twisting it in opposite directions on both sides as tight as you can.  When I felt like the world's worst parent because I couldn't remember how many hours of cartoons and movies they were watching in a day.  When I felt awful because I lost track of time and didn't make a wholesome lunch until 3 pm for my kids.  When I couldn't so much a pick up toys or dishes for more than 20 minutes because it was too much for me.  Back when I had so many side-effects medicines and afflictions of sickness from this pregnancy that I could not number them..back then.  I looked at my life and realized the Queen of Sugar-coating didn't know how to sugar coat anymore.

I'm so grateful for the women in my ward who have checked up on me.  Their texts asking how I'm doing, and their willingness to listen to what I've been going through has made such a huge difference to me.  My friend and neighbor, Sonnet, has really meant a lot to me.  I really love her for checking up on me and just caring.  And Merri has just nodded in understanding each time I've told her the truth about how I'm doing, because she totally knows.  Elena one time told me that I didn't look as pale as I used to.  Haha!  That was like a month ago.  I guarantee the next week she saw me she thought I was looking pale and sickly again, but she didn't say anything.  : )  I feel bad, because I'm sure there have been friends who have needed me and I haven't been there for them because I've been so overwhelmed trying to get from one day to another.  And I'm glad that they're still my friends, anyway.  Like Rachel--who has recently had a baby, and could probably use help, and I haven't helped her in the slightest.  I've only sat in her living room for some talk time because I felt the need to eat food during Sunday School...I wasn't helping Rachel--I was letting her help me.  I'm hoping someday soon I'll be back to being a friend who is able to reach out to others.  In the mean time I'm just grateful for the people who still look at me for me and know that I'm doing the best I can, and they love me, even though I know "the best I can" has been far below par lately. 

I believe that this is such a long post and that no one is really going to read the whole thing anyway, so I'm just going to type for a little bit longer, because it's therapeutic for me.

As hard as the last 3 months have been for me, I have felt so extremely blessed.  I have the most stellar family.  My mother in law, Myrna, my mom, Jodi, and especially Mitch, have all been found helping me with dishes and laundry and organizing toys. Mitchell has spear headed some organizational projects that have astounded me.  Myrna has gone and picked up medicine for me, and my dad has run errands for me.  My brother Taylor was around when some embarrassing side-effects happened with some medicines I was taking and he was helpful and sympathetic and thoughtful, and made me laugh when it was over.  And I know he hasn't talked to anyone about it.  I really love him.  Jodi, Taylor, and Heber have all kept me company when I've been lonely or bored.  My mom puts up with my phone calls all the time because I've had anxiety with being alone.  Mike & Erin put up with me taking my precious old time on everything we did when we went to visit them.  : )  Tina and Ashely have helped me by hanging out with me and making me feel important when I felt like no one cared about me.  And I can't even count the times both sides of the family has helped watch the boys while I've gone to appointments or needed help with whatever it was that day.  I really love my Tenney and Borden families!

So that's it.  I'm looking forward to "the promised land" of having this child come into the world in May.  I hope I can handle having 3 children.  I'm holding my breath that my life is getting easier and my sickness is waning, because this week I've been able to take about half of the amount of nausea medicine I used to take and I seem to be managing.  I'm praying that the next obstacles in my way, are going to be comparable to the "many days" on the water that Nephi's family spent, as opposed to the "8 years" of affliction that the last 3 months have felt like.  I'm sure it'll be smooth sailing from here, so I'm going to find cause to rejoice, too.

I love the scriptures.  I love what they teach me, and I love that the Lord has listened to my "cries" and has sent wonderful people in my life to help me.  I'm pretty sure that since I'm already able to start looking back on this experience with some joy, that someday when it's all over, I'll be able to look back and think, "Oh, sure, that was hard, but look at where I am now.  The Promised Land was SO WORTH IT!"  I hope I can keep that perspective with all of my trials and afflictions that will come in this lifetime.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Way du Doh, Daddeee!

You're at a church ball game.
There is a minimal turn out.
Practically no one is there to cheer.
The teams are running up and down the court.

You hear just a few sounds:  
        ...squeaking of tennis shoes, 
                                                     ...........a ref's whistle, 
                                                                   .......the dribbling of the ball.....

Cutting through the silence comes the cutest 2 year old voice:
"Way du Doh, Daddee!  Way du doh!"

and a little later...

"Dood-job! Daddeee!"

Daddy's #1 fan. 

It was just too cute. Mitch couldn't take it anymore, so he yelled from the court,
"Thanks, Buddy!  I love you, Emmett!"

and of course, came the adorable response across the cultural hall:
"I uv oo, too, Daddeeeee!

Tyson had some funny things to yell, too....LIKE...

"Way to go, Dad!  Chomp the blue team up!"
(Never mind it was the blue team that was slaughtering us, haha!)


Tyson: Let's GO AMERICA!
Me: You mean, Western Skies?
Tyson:  It's the same thing.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

I Want to Learn More About This Place....

 On Sunday we decided that we would periodically start taking pictures with our kids with the progress of the Gilbert Temple behind them.  We heard the idea from someone else, thought it was neat, and decided it wasn't too late to start.  I wasn't going to post them, yet, but then yesterday my husband decided we should go to the little visitor's center for family night.  Well, in standard LDS culture, since Monday night is dubbed for families only, and not church activities, and because we're encouraged to regularly hold "Family Home Evening" on that night or another night if your circumstances can imagine how busy that little trailer out-looking the new Gilbert Temple was last night.  : )  We still had a nice experience and the workers there were still nice to look out for us and make sure our questions were answered.  We went to the little lookout walkway and looked around, and as we were getting ready to leave Tyson said, "I don't want to go, yet!  I want to learn more about this place."  Mitch was surprised and double checked that's what he said, and I got a little lump in my throat and a tugging at my heart, so we walked back in the trailer and found something else we could teach them "about this place". 

The temple worker got us all set up in our own little corner and showed our boys some more things on the pictures and answered some more questions.  He treated our boys with patience and love.  As more people came, our little ones were kind of loud, so we decided it was really time to go, and the only way we could convince Tyson that it was okay he hadn't learned everything about the temple, yet, was by letting him know this was not the last time we would be there and that we would come back again.  I love the Spirit of the Temple.  I love that even though the building isn't finished, that the grounds are already sacred and thought provoking, and that my children can feel the power of what the temple symbolizes for us and our family.
 Tyson saw the bricks shaped like the temple, and all on his own, he posed as the Angel Moroni, and told me to take a picture.  : )  And of course, Emmett wants to do everything his big brother does, so we got one of him, too. 
I love my husband for taking us to the temple for family night.  I love my children for enriching my life in ways I could have never imagined.  I love that we get to watch a temple being built in my home town.  It's so special to me, and I love the Lord for giving us this gift.  I love that families can be together forever because of the ordinances available in holy temples.  I always want to have the power of the temple in my life.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Lucky 7

About a month and a half ago, Mitch and I got to celebrate our seventh anniversary in a ton of fun ways.  My camera died the first night of festivities, so tough noodles for us.  We'll just have to imagine.

1st -- Texas Roadhouse for dinner Friday night

2nd--Staples to pick up Mitch a Zebra F-301 pen...long story...but HE LOVED IT.  Haha!

3rd--Saw the movie "7 Days in Utopia".  Enjoyed it and ran into a high school friend, Jenny Sterling & hubby.

4th--Saturday morning we ate a delicious breakfast made by Mitch.

5th--Went to Tempe Town Lake and rode the Peddle Boats together. 

6th--Had lunch and a $10 off $10 shopping spree at Kohl's

7th--Went to see David Archuletta and hear his "delicious voice" at the annual Constitution Fair in Gilbert.  Lucky for us, the Fowkes showed up and so did my sister, Jodi, and her date, who all hung out with us after to keep us up late and young. : )

I didn't realize it at the time, but our amazing weekend had 7 major events--is that lucky or what?

It's also lucky that even though I was pregnant by the time of our anniversary date, that I was not feeling awfully sick until the following week--I kid you not, that was a SUPER-MIRACLE-KIND-OF- LUCKY!

It's lucky that I found a man who dotes on me and makes me breakfast all the time.

Mitch and I are super lucky to be living close to family and to have 2 adorable boys who keep us ticking.  I could have never guessed 7 years ago the way those boys would have changed our lives together in so many amazing ways.

So far our 7th year together has turned out to be lucky for me that Mitch has been picking up all my slack during this pregnancy.  For the last 2 months I've been so sick (I can't even tell you) and at times I think he's simply just worn out from work, and home life, and lack of sleep.  So I'm lucky he wakes up with a smile and tells me he loves me even though it's not easy right now.

I look forward to seeing what other Lucky moments our 7th year together will bring maybe the luck of having a baby girl?  I don't know--for a Borden that might have to do with having freak accidents instead of having luck.  Only time will tell.   : )  

I love you, HUBBALICIOUS!  Thanks for all the memories!

I love it when Tyson prays.... :o )

Some of my most favorite memories with my kids are from meal times.  Here's an excerpt from Tyson's prayer over his food at lunch today:

Dear Hemly Father,

Fffank you for dis day.  Bless dis food that it will be nice and delicious....

Seriously?  Does it get any better than that?  Maybe someday I'll teach him how to say his /th/ sounds, but I'm not going to make him grow up any faster than he has to.  The ripe old age of 4 is already too big for me.  : )