Monday, December 12, 2016

Love Your SELFie but Not Too Much, Please

Before I go ANY further, let me publish this important and necessary disclaimer:  1) I am the most self-centered person I know (TRUE FACT).  2) If you "LOVE your SELFie" too much, don't read this, because I will offend you....  I probably shouldn't worry, though, because the people who need to read this will actually be too busy taking their own selfies.


I don't know about you, but there are a few types of selfies posted daily on the Internet that just make me CRINGE.  Sometimes it's easy to tell exactly what the person was thinking at the time they took their series of pictures - "Not that angle, no not quite, just a little higher - yep, now THAT ONE looks GOO-OO-OOOD."  The reason you can tell exactly what these people are thinking is because you've taken pictures of your own self and your thought process has gone that very same direction.

Humiliating, right?

Selfies are on the Net in epidemic proportions.  Now don't get me wrong - I like to take selfies, too.  But there are certain kinds of selfies I wouldn't be caught dead taking, which is why I enlisted the help of my husband to demonstrate exactly what I mean:

I'm certainly not the first one to wonder - WHY are you taking pictures in your bathroom?  Of all places on this beautiful earth, you would choose THE JOHN?  Does it smell like roses in there?  I'm thanking my lucky stars that this is not a scratch n' sniff photo.  I wouldn't want to take a chance on that, no matter how good you might look in that mirror.  I could be going out on a limb on this one, but some would call the bathroom a GROSS place.  Selfie sticks are portable you know - it's possible you could pick a better location next time.

Did you think those pouty lips were sexy?  Because we all think you look like a duck.  These kinds of selfies are pretty dangerous, too, so photographer beware!  If you must kissy-face yourself, try not to get injured when you accidentally kiss your phone screen or your mirror during your photo shoot....  And remember when you post it publicly, your Mom and Dad are going to be oh-so-proud of having a grown up sexy duckling....

These ones are a little awkward, now aren't they?  We're all acutely aware of the Twilight Zone music playing in the background as we see your photos--being naked in front of others is a thing that my mom's generation would have had nightmares about.  Unfortunately for us, we're LIVING through the terrors when we open our newsfeeds!  Not to mention all the teenagers, and people who aren't your husbands, oh, and your parents, too - they're all glad you're half-naked in a bathroom mirror.  (All you gotta do now is make some duck-lips, and you might score Gold, Silver, and Bronze for the all-time-worst SELFie-awards - in one picture, too.)

Remember that this is what you think you look like:

This is what we think you look like:

Because my husband was a good sport, we'll add a few more selfies to make fun of:

...Which has no purpose than to ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE let people look down your shirt.

 That hair on his chest looks, well, hairy!

The "It's a Beautiful Day" Selfie
Wait - where is the day you were talking about?  I can only see your face!


You know, I don't love these kinds of selfies, but the location is a step up from THE JOHN.  So kudos to you for heading in a different direction.  Just don't forget to post the "accident selfie" on your ambulance ride to the hospital.

I do feel a smidgin' guilty for throwing all my selfie snapping friends under the bus with this post. So I'll use a scripture now to make them hate my guts even more:

A really long time ago, there was an apostle named Paul, and he wrote a letter to Timothy.  In 2 Timothy 3:2, he prophesied that..."Men will be lovers of their own selves...."

Paul must have been shown a Facebook or Instagram feed in a vision, because a truer statement has never been made about these last days.

Since his words ring so clearly to me, I don't want to be like that.  I know that I have deeply rooted pride--as much as any other person who walks this earth, but I really don't want people to see how in love with myself I that's why I like to hide my love for myself by taking GROUP-ies.  Those are the kind of selfies that actually make me feel happy & not so lonely, a lot less self-centered, more focused on friends & family.

Even with this kind of a selfie you have to take a few shots with the right angle so you can look goo-oo-oood, but it's less obvious that you're trying so hard as there are others in the photo with you.

For all of those who may still be reading, I'm going to lose the last friend or two I had left by inserting my italicized anti-SELFie opinions into the full scripture below:

2 Timothy 3:2

"This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come (I told you the duck-lip selfie was dangerous - and so is the driver's seat selfie)For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy (bathroom selfies are definitely unholy), without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, high minded (oops! darn it! this anti-selfie blogger is sorta on a high-horse), lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away."

Now I'm going to go through my phone and delete the types of pictures that I just made fun of other people for taking...if I do have photos I forgot about I certainly can't have that kind of thing show up online....  :)