Spiritual Talents

I have been overwhelmed by the amount of love & encouragement that I have received in response to my last post about Miles.  When I posted, I was just writing my thoughts to get them out...to "keep it real" on my blog.  And you know what happened?  God took it somewhere.  Without realizing it, I uplifted a few people, and in turn they all lifted me.  I knew I had friends, but it was humbling to remember that their love and experiences and support is really there for me.  In an entirely different way than I expected, what really matters - the wave of love I felt - was my friends' way of "keeping it real" .  It was so beautiful to remember that friends, acquaintances, and even complete strangers are in my support team & on Miles' side, too.  I am such a blessed woman to have friends, and I want you all to know that I am deeply appreciative of your kind words & thoughts.

I had an interesting experience.
We are on a home-hunt right now.
My husband and I spent some serious energy praying about what to do with where we should move.
We even went to the temple, which to us is one of the holiest places on earth.
And I got some answers to my questions.
But they were answers to questions I didn't even know I was asking.
Questions that had nothing to do with our home-hunt.


A DIFFERENT ANSWER

1)  As a parent, when you hear "speech delay"...or any other problem for that matter, you worry about your child's entire life.  You can't help but wonder about the future: How will this affect him in school?  Will he regress again?  Will he be able to read and write well?  Will he have to be put on an IEP?  Will he be pulled out of the classroom?  Will he struggle?  You just stress out about everything you cannot control.  The worst part about what-ifs is that they really are just "what ifs".  The only certainties are the ones that are here and now.  The problem with what-ifs is that they can steal away the present if you let them.  It's tricky because you have to quit caring about the what-ifs so that you can enjoy the present, but at the same time, as a parent, you feel a responsibility to be proactive in the present in order to avoid the worst case scenario of what-ifs.  The struggle can make you go crazy, but then you remember to be grateful for the struggle, because that's what life is all about - overcoming challenges, having faith in the Lord, doing our best and knowing that the Lord's grace will make up the rest.

Even though I was praying about our decision to move, these other concerns were on the back of my mind, and they were the ones I got answers to.  The impression I had came very strongly:  You have talents, but he does, too - they are DIFFERENT talents than you have, but you will teach him, and he will teach you. 

That might sound like a really easy principle to understand...almost like a common sense sort of impression, but it came to me specifically when I was asking God about other things, so it's stayed with me and I've been pondering it ever since.

I have talents in communication - just ask my husband - I communicate everything I ever hope to say in a clear and effective manner.   (Okay, Honey, you can quit rolling on the floor laughing).  In all seriousness, though, I have always enjoyed reading & writing and it's blessed my life.  I also have experience with Sign Language, so it's been easy for me to teach Miles signs without feeling overwhelmed.  Because communication is one of my talents, it's important to me, and that's why I've worried so much about Miles & his success in this area.  But now I'm looking at all of this differently and now I'm wondering what are the things that he will be teaching me.  I've already found a couple.

MILES HAS SPIRITUAL TALENTS

2) One of the sweetest prayers I've ever heard was given by Miles.  At that point he hadn't been doing very well at repeating words, or imitating sounds, but we had a family night and he wanted to give the prayer.  So Mitch helped him:

"Heavenly Father" (Mitch)
"Eh" (Miles)
"Thank you"
"Uh"
"For this day...."
"Ah"
"Help us..."
"Eh"
.....the prayer continued in this fashion until the end, and Miles tried to say Amen at the end.

In that moment I didn't care that he couldn't say any of the words, because I could FEEL what was in his heart, and it was SO SWEET.  Here I had a darling 2 year old with big eyes, folding his arms, and he was so happy to help with the prayer - he has the DESIRE to participate in higher things.  What more could a mother ask for? 

It's in moments like these that I know the reasons we are told in the scriptures to be as the little children.

3)  On Saturday, May 17th, we attended the funeral of Mettie Skye Tingey.  She was only 26 days old when she passed away.  Mettie is Miles' 2nd cousin.  We bought our mini van from her parents, Matt & Rochelle just a couple years ago when they were having their 6th kid (at that time we had had our 3rd kid and needed something bigger than a compact car, and they needed something bigger than a mini-van - we found their post on Craigslist, but didn't realize it was Matt, as in Matt-Mitch's-COUSIN, until we saw him in person. It was actually a fun experience to buy their van, and we were sold on the spot - we knew they were honest about the history, it was in our price range, and they kept it in great condition).  We look up to Matt & Rochelle & were excited for them to have another baby, and were heartbroken to hear about all of Mettie's health struggles. 

Mettie was their 7th child. She was born this Spring, and she was going to be the tie-breaker for their family.  The had 3 boys and 3 girls, so they didn't find out her gender until she was born.  They didn't know until she was born, that she would have physical and mental handicaps.  They did EVERYTHING possible to help her live as long as she could, but sweet little Mettie just wasn't able to make it longer than 26 days.  Rochelle made a blog about Mettie.  It's a must read - their family is a pillar of faith and hope and the joy they found amid the pain is sweeter than words can tell: www.sweetmettie.blogspot.com .

In the days leading up to the funeral, I was showing my mom Mettie's blog, and Miles got really excited.  He had never seen pictures of Mettie before, but when he saw the pictures on the screen, he ran across the room, crawled on my lap, and would point at the screen.  He started repeating the things I was saying, and he tried over and over to say her name, "Meh!  Meh! Meh!"  He got really excited when he saw her picture.  He seemed to be most excited on the pictures of her in the hospital. 

 

I felt as if he knew her from before this life began.  The feeling in the room as he was expressing his excitement, especially with the pictures of her hooked up to machines and having a rough time made me feel almost like he knew that's how her life would be like, and that he was excited she was able to fulfill her mission on earth and be with her family.  I felt the Spirit really strong, and I asked him, "Why are you trying to say everything I'm saying?  Do you know her?  Is she your friend?"  And he tried to say, "Friend". 

I was just amazed. He hasn't ever acted the same way with baby pictures of other babies, and it made me wonder, "Wow!  Who is this special little girl, Mettie?"  and "Wow!  Who is my little boy, Miles, that he would remember her, and feel this way?"

As if that moment in time wasn't proof enough, Miles did the same thing when we walked in the doors of the funeral service and saw the table display of all Mettie's beautiful pictures.  He pointed and again said, "Meh!" "Meh!" for Mettie.  Then when we hugged her family and said good-bye to Mettie - she looked so perfect in her white dress - kind of like a porcelain doll - just so perfect.  She was wearing a bracelet with a heart on it, and in the heart was a picture of her family.  Miles looked at her and signed, "Sleeping".

Through all of these experiences...while many things in my life are so uncertain, there are other things that I am beginning to see so clearly.  I know that I am the one who is learning. 

As much as I know and hope to teach my children throughout the years, I am learning that they are here to teach me, too.  I believe that while children are young like Miles, that they have memories of Heaven.  I believe that because so quickly they can recognize the feelings of Heaven when it's around them.  I believe that's a spiritual talent and by watching my kids in these precious years of innocence, and especially the way my life has been affected in the last couple of years with my sweet little Miles, through those experiences I have felt closer to my Heavenly Father, and I know that children are a blessing straight from Heaven.  Without a doubt, one of Mettie's purposes on earth was the same, and she did it in a powerful way.  She knew her job was to help her family and those around her feel closer to Heaven - she fulfilled her mission with such grace and beauty.  The story of her family and how they love Mettie is a tale of hope and faith, courage and endurance, and pure, unconditional, Christ-like love.  Now it's up to us to develop those talents so that someday we can go where she is with the angels in Heaven.

When Something is "Wrong" With Your Child

Meet Miles.

 

He just turned 2.

 

Dream cake made by Grandma Borden!

 

 

 

He loves bouncy balls....(Actually, that's a dramatic UNDERSTATEMENT.) 

 

 

There is no word to adequately describe the way he obsesses over sports equipment. 

 

 

"Ball" was his first word. Ball is still his best word. It's also his most used, and the most universally understood portion of his vernacular.

 

And yes, sometimes he needs a large bouncy ball in his crib so he can fall asleep peacefully and wake up happy - like this one that I found him curled up next to just yesterday.

 

 

 

Would you look at this kid?

 

He has more cowlicks than anyone should ever have to deal with, but they force his hair into wild hair-do's that make me fall in love with him every day.

Miles is so cute. 


I don't know why, but for whatever reason, he deals with a speech delay, as previously discussed in this post & mentioned in that post.   After working with him, he caught up with his age group, and didn't need further services for the time being...or so we thought.


WE HAVE BEEN WORKING SO HARD
 

Amid the process of coercing Miles to speak, we introduced him to Signing Time and fell in love with it!  It's saved our lives, because we've found that Miles is a visual learner, and I am amazed at what he understands through signs.

• Sometimes I will say something and he will stare at me blankly.  Then I will say it and sign it, and he shows understanding IMMEDIATELY. 
• Often, when I try to explain WHY he can't have or do something, using words doesn't always help me, so I'll use the words and the signs, and "click", he quits crying and he gets the "why" of what I told him.
• Signing motivates him to be verbal.  Just the other day, he wanted a chip.  We tried and tried to get him to repeat after us and say chip, and he wouldn't.  I looked up the sign.  I showed him the sign and said "chip".  AFTER I signed it to him, he finally attempted to say "ip!" 
• Sometimes Miles will be eating and his mouth is full, so he just signs what he wants to tell me.  Other times he tries to say a word with his sign, but most the time his repeated words sound like, "Eh" or "Uah"
• He knows & uses 75-100 signs.  He can say 20 or so words that you can understand.  He makes some letter sounds pretty well, but he doesn't do blends very well.  He doesn't speak in 2 word sentences, but he can sign 2 to 3 word sentences...once in a while.

EVIDENCES OF OUR HARD WORK
As we've been striving to pro-actively work with him, we have watched all the volumes of Signing Time over & over, we have been on Starfall.com so much I'm sick of it (but Miles isn't - he asks for it multiple times a day, "R?  R?" "R?").  We pray for him to keep learning and growing, we read books, we surround him with people he loves - parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins -, we have playdates with friends (including my deaf friend who helps us learn more signs...), I take him places to give him new experiences, and I let him participate in Messy Art Class.

A few months ago we took these videos of him signing - he uses what I call "baby signs". His fine motor skills aren't fully developed so sometimes the location or hand shape isn't exact, but he uses the motion & modified hand shape to do the sign. It's like "baby talk", but with your hands. I love it:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/gmx0hhosbcpyz0e/MilesBabySigns.AVI

https://www.dropbox.com/s/m87juonx9czylft/MilesBabySigns2.AVI

 

IT WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH

Our pediatrician recently told us at his 2 year appointment that we need to get Miles (1) a hearing test, (2) a speech therapist, and (3) back in Early Intervention.  Truth be told, about a week or two before this well-check, I had already started hunting around for a place to do hearing tests on 2 year olds, and I considered asking Early Intervention for another screening.  But when the doctor told me something was wrong...even though I already knew....it was hard to take.  I had this sudden feeling well up inside me that I've never really felt before.  I guess in some ways it was similar to the first time he was referred, in some ways it was worse because I didn't want to have to be back here again.  I nodded my head kindly and thanked him for the referrals and numbers like a good parent would do, but at the same (probably also like a good parent would feel) the Momma Bear inside of me was angry and upset someone would dare to infer something was "wrong" with my child.  I just wanted to yell - "NO HE DOESN'T NEED THIS!  HE'S PERFECT! WHAT DO YOU KNOW ANYWAY?"

 

I made it to the car before my angry tears slipped out of the corners of my eyes, and I drove around to sift through my feelings. 

 

Today we had his speech screening.  The little questionnaire turned out confirm the need for intervention more than I wanted to believe he'd need. 

 

The lady asked me, "How do you feel about this?" 

 

I cried and told her it feels like everything we've been trying so hard to do to help him just wasn't good enough.  

 

"No, no, no!  Don't feel that way!  No parent should ever feel that way," she reassured.  

 

My mom says my son wouldn't be where he is today if we hadn't been doing all these things to work with him & help him learn. When she says that, it strikes a chord in the center of my chest that gives me peace and makes me tear up at the same time, so I KNOW what she says is true.   I just need to remember that when the "it wasn't good enough" doubts and feelings come back to taunt me.

 

A few weeks ago, my friend, Alyssa, was at my doorstep.  She's been through similar experiences with her own little boy.  Miles looked up at her from the entry way.  I think he smiled or lifted up his eyebrows for one of his cute expressions, and she paused, and with a little intake of breath said, "Wow!  Who needs words when you've got eyes like that?"

 

 

So anyone who ever has to tell me something is "wrong" with my child can just TAKE THAT.  Miles doesn't need words anyway!

 

We will obviously do everything we can to give him what he needs to keep learning & growing.  And I am well aware that the doctor really is on my side & that we're both on Miles' side.  I just still feel like this is a fight, because in my heart it has caused a battle. (If I feel like this over a speech delay, I can only imagine the depth of the pangs of fears & worries that come to parents whose children face harder challenges.) 

 

I don't know what the results are going to be with his hearing test...I don't want him to have hearing loss...but I might be more afraid of what's next if he doesn't.  If it's not hearing related, what will that mean?  Could a speech delay affect his ability to do well in school? I don't know how many more times I might feel like I'm giving my whole heart and soul but will still feel like I'm falling short as a parent.

 

But what I do know is that Miles really is perfect.  Nothing is wrong.  He came to our family straight from Heaven, exactly the way God meant him to be & the Lord is still looking out for my little boy. 

 

 

And I know that the love Mitch and I have for him is enough. And in case it's not, he has been blessed with 2 brothers who adore him, 4 grandparents, and many aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends who love him, too.

This is how Miles tries to sign "I love you".  It melts my heart every time!

 

 

When it's all said and done, LOVE will always be enough.





Three of My 3-Second Moments that Make me Love Being a Mother

 

Motherhood is not for the faint of heart, but when it's all said and done, the hard and gruelling sacrifices fade into nothingness when you get a 3-second gem that makes everything you do WORTH IT!

Here are just three of my 3-second moments that make me love being a mother:

 

Last month, Tyson gave me a great big hug and told me, "You're the best mom in the world!"

"Aw, thanks son!"  I squeezed him back and shared the same adoring smile.
Then he explained: "I wouldn't say that's a fact.  But it's an opinion!"

.....Uh....thanks again?  :)
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A couple days ago, I was walking by my boys' room.  They were talking, and I heard Emmett say to his big brother, "Heavenly Fahver is really real!"  I don't know why he felt to share that out of the blue, but it made me so happy inside.

It also makes me happy that he doesn't say "th" very well.  Like when he blurts out, "Happy Muhver's Day!"

---------------------------------------------

Miles cannot say "I Love You", but he tries to sign it, and it's the most darling thing I've ever seen.

 

  His fine motor skills are still developing, so his pinky & pointer fingers don't necessarily stand up the way they should for the "I Love You" sign...and neither does his thumb, but we all know what he means, and his own little "I love you" sign that looks like an "e" melts my heart every time.

 

Every day can be like Mother's Day with sweet children like these.

What a Child Can Do - The Word of God Moves

The Background:

About 6 months ago, Elder Tambo and Elder Mason gave Tyson his first Book of Mormon.  We tried sounding out word for word with him, but that requires extreme effort when you're a little guy delving into writings from 600 B.C. to 400 A.D..  We quickly reverted back to using pictures & retelling scripture stories.  It's been a while since then, however.  Tyson is 6 months older and is suddenly independently reading (even scriptures).  He's been reading scriptures without being told, every day this week and is a WHOPPING NINE VERSES IN to the first chapter of The Book of Mormon.

The Shocker of a Lifetime:

Tyson found a couple extra copies of the Book of Mormon on the shelf.  So naturally, he marched across the room to me and blurted, "Mom!  Can I give this Book of Mormon to my teacher?  I found TWO Books of Mormon on the shelf!"

Time froze. 

Within ONE second, every thought I never knew existed in my head came swirling simultaneously to the forefront of my mind:  "Where did this come from?"  "That was random."  "I didn't even know we had extras on the shelf." "Maybe this is not a coincidence."  "What will she think?"  "Will she think I put him up to this?"  "I can't tell him no - I always hope and pray he'll grow up to be a missionary." "He's only 6!" "Apparently he has no fear.  Why doesn't he have ANY fear?"

Three-quarters of the way through this frozen second, I knew that even though I had previously thought the afternoon would only entail peacefully doing dishes & avoiding internal conflict, God had other plans.  And my son needed an answer.  Now.

"Sure, you can do that!" was the ONLY answer I was allowed to give.

The evening was busy as always and the idea was forgotten until a couple hours later when the commotion of our planned activities died down.  But the reminder came again that this was not something to be put on the back-burner:  "Mom!  Can I give that Book of Mormon to my teacher?"

Mitch was home, now, and we exchanged glances.

I explained to Tyson that usually when people give Book of Mormons away, they write a note to go with it.  Even Elder Tambo and Elder Mason signed their names in the Book of Mormon they gave him.

He promptly whipped out a ripped piece of scratch paper and started the proces.  As I stared at what he wrote, I knew "the WHY".  His words moved my heart with such power. I felt that I had NO BUSINESS editing his spelling, but I still wanted him to re-write it on a better piece of paper for his teacher.  I told him that usually people write in their best handwriting & that he might have to write the note more than once. Undeterred, Tyson rewrote his message as many times as he needed until he felt it was perfect. He even put little dots on the ends of all the letters to make it fancy to make it the nicest he could possibly write it.  After a few tries, he exclaimed, "Well, we just wasted 5 pieces of paper, but that was WORTH it!"


The Notes:

 

The entire experience of helping him and seeing him desire to share what was in his heart was touching and profound.  I told him I loved him and was proud of him.

 

That was it.  Right?  The night was over. Right?  The kids got ready for bed, but Tyson just couldn't rest, yet: "There is another Book of Mormon.  Can I give it away, too?"  Part of me wanted to say it was getting too late.  Part of me wanted to make sure he was being thoughtful enough about who to give it to.  But I knew something good was happening, so I talked back to my doubts and told them they didn't have any business getting inbetween my son and the Spirit of God.  I kept my mouth shut and I let him think.  He was so cute sitting on the couch, tapping his chin, and pondering out loud:  "Who should I give this to?  Who should I give this to?....I KNOW!  My principal!" 

 

...I still kept my mouth shut, but with a smile now, internally I thought, "Oh my gosh! The PRINCIPAL?!  What will HE think?!"  My son might as well have picked the captain of an army, the president of a country, or a world famous athlete - my internal anxiety over what might happen would have been the same. 

 

We started the process all over again, but this time he knew what to do, and he knew what to say:   

 

His letters were a little more manly this time, and we were out of extra Books of Mormon, so it was really time for bed.

 

Sharing the Gospel:

 

Morning came.  The gifts were ready.  I can't properly explain what it felt like to have my 6 year old openly happy to share what he believes.  I was in 5th grade before I gave a Book of Mormon to my best friend, Jenny.  She asked me why I gave it to her, and I said, "I just want you to be able to feel what I feel."  So, I KNOW that kids can share the gospel and that they can FEEL a close connection to God, because I was just a kid when I was trying to share that message, myself.  Even so, being 6 and being 10 are still different!  I had already been baptized.  I had already committed to follow Jesus Christ.  I already had the Gift of the Holy Ghost, and had probably read the entire book on my own by then...if I hadn't finished it, I was close.  THIS CHILD, on the other hand, had only read NINE verses and was chomping at the bit to share something that was important to him.  I kept thinking to myself...and am still thinking:  WHAT on earth is IN those NINE VERSES that I have been missing?

 



 

Tyson didn't hide the Books of Mormon in his backpack.  He carried them in his hands and he made sure the notes were stuffed in the book of Alma, "because that's about where the middle is."  The kids got out of the car and the Principal was directing traffic.  As I drove through the parent drop off loop, I was able to watch my little boy.  He wandered for a step or two.  Then he looked up and saw the principal.  He started running towards the principal with the sweetest smile I've ever seen on his face and he deliverd the book as a gift, and 0.5 seconds later, ran off to the playground!   I had to giggle - I have no idea if he even said anything, and I was so glad he had written a note to explain. 

 

The Reactions:

Put Yourself in The Principal's Shoes:
You're the principal.  It's just any other day.  You're directing traffic.  Suddenly a child runs up to you with a grin, but that's normal, because you're a rock star.  He gives you something - that's not necessarily unusual.  You look at it and keep directing traffic.  Oh no!  Wait!  This is a religious book.  You can't wave it around as you direct traffic, and especially not as everyone in the school is arriving.  What are you supposed to do with it?  You can't NOT accept it because the little guy who was so happy to give it to you has already run off.  You can't stop directing the car line because the bell is about to ring and it's the busiest 3 minutes of the day.  You hold it at your side and then you realize - your pockets are actually large enough to fit a book - you are LUCKY to be a man with large pant pockets and in slides the book.  *Whew!*  Was that awkward?  Maybe a smidgin'.  Was it memorable?  Undoubtedly!
Tyson's principal and first grade teacher are amazing people.  I sent them emails to let them know that Tyson's gift to them was something that was completely from him & that even if they didn't read the Book of Mormon any time soon, to make sure to read his note.  They did.  The principal wrote me back within seconds of the email I sent him, and he said that Tyson was so happy - his words were faithful and inspiring (that made me smile).  He also said it was days like these that make him love his job.

Oh, how that made my heart happy!

I am SO GRATEFUL to these fabulous teachers and principals who have created an environment that is so safe that their students know they can share what is important to them without being hurt or shut down (whether or not these fabulous role models for my kids are religious or atheist, they practice the qualities that I always hope my kids will see demonstrated, and they are qualities I hope my kids will develop).  The way they have treated my little boy - especially in this matter of accepting the Book of Mormon that he "offered" to them as a gift means more to me than I can truly explain.


The Lessons from the NINE verses:
I called some family & shared Tyson's story of love, courage, faith, and a giving heart, & they were all inspired.  No matter what your relious beliefs are, this example given by a 6 year old has lessons in it that can be applied by all. 

Here are two that I learned right away:

1)  I had been planning to give a Book of Mormon to a friend, and she even knows I am going to give her one, but I haven't yet.  Now that Tyson took the 2 extras from the shelf, I have to acquire another.  But after watching him, I realize that I deserve this consequence of having to put forth a little extra effort, now - I was sitting on my plan for too long.  Tyson felt the inspiration, and HE ACTED - it was a gift from the heart that he gave FREELY and WITHOUT FEAR and OUT OF LOVE!  If you have a gift of any sort that needs to be shared - an inspiring message, forgiveness to be granted, service to render, gratitude to express - STOP WAITING, JUST DO IT, and both the giver and the receiver will be uplifted! 

...as I reflect I realize that Jesus Christ himself is the one who gave that example first.  He gave himself freely, without fear, and completely out of love.  That very message is the reason for the Bible and the Book of Mormon.

2) I am reminded that I need to be quicker to share the good news of the Gospel.  I read scriptures all the time, but how often does what I read go "in one ear and out the other"?  I don't know.  But what I do know is that THE WORD is given to us so that it can SINK DEEPLY INTO OUR HEARTS.  When it is in your heart, it changes you.  Do we let the word of God change us on a daily basis?  We should, because as this little boys has shown - only good things happen when you do.

Now it's time to check out the NINE VERSES:

It's the 1st chapter of the 1st book of the Book of Mormon, here we go!: 

1 I, Nephi, having been ^aborn of ^bgoodly ^cparents, therefore I was ^dtaught somewhat in all the learning of my father; and having seen many ^eafflictions in the course of my days, nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; yea, having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God, therefore I make a ^frecord of my proceedings in my days.

2 Yea, I make a record in the ^alanguage of my father, which consists of the learning of the Jews and the language of the Egyptians.

3 And I know that the record which I make is ^atrue; and I make it with mine own hand; and I make it according to my knowledge.

4 For it came to pass in the commencement of the ^afirst year of the reign of ^bZedekiah, king of Judah, (my father, Lehi, having dwelt at ^cJerusalem in all his days); and in that same year there came many ^dprophets, prophesying unto the people that they must ^erepent, or the great city ^fJerusalem must be destroyed.

5 Wherefore it came to pass that my father, Lehi, as he went forth prayed unto the Lord, yea, even with all his ^aheart, in behalf of his people.

6 And it came to pass as he prayed unto the Lord, there came a ^apillar of fire and dwelt upon a rock before him; and he saw and heard much; and because of the things which he saw and heard he did ^bquake and tremble exceedingly.

7 And it came to pass that he returned to his own house at Jerusalem; and he cast himself upon his bed, being ^aovercome with the Spirit and the things which he had seen.

8 And being thus overcome with the Spirit, he was carried away in a ^avision, even that he saw the ^bheavens open, and he thought he ^csaw God sitting upon his throne, surrounded with numberless concourses of angels in the attitude of singing and praising their God.

9 And it came to pass that he saw One descending out of the midst of heaven, and he beheld that his ^aluster was above that of the sun at noon-day.

Did you feel something as you read that (verse 9 is my personal favorite)?  Now the real question is - WHAT are you going to do about it?  I want to be like Tyson & share the good news of the gospel!

What's On Your List?

I don't know if it's a 6 year old thing.  I don't know if it's a boy thing.  But what I do know is that my oldest can only follow one direction at a time.  If I say, "Make your bed, brush your teeth, and fix your hair,"  he only makes the bed.  If I say, "Now brush your teeth and fix your hair," he only brushes his teeth.  I don't know if he zones out after the first task.  I don't know if it's just proof that men do not "multi-task"...ever...in their lives.  I just know this seriously affects our morning routine.  So today I finally took the time to write out a list.  I only told him ONE thing to do:  "Do everything on this list."  I handed the list to Tyson, he crossed each item off as he went, and I didn't have to ask him to do ANYTHING twice.  The morning went SMOOTHLY.   It was lovely! 

But as usual, he taught me more than I taught him.  First of all, I learned that I should have listened to my motherly intuition by doing this list idea MONTHS ago.  But most importantly, I learned that sometimes the most important things we SHOULD do get left off our lists of to-do's - like showing your family LOVE. 

Tyson added 3 more of his own necessary things to his list:  "Kis mom, hug Emmett, hug Miles...." 

 

He melts my heart!

 

And yes, before school, Tyson crossed everything off his list.  I actually got 2 kisses from him - one after he fixed his hair, and another when he hopped out of the car to go to school.   

Testimonies, Firecrackers, and "Home-Signs"

TYSON

Tyson has been using big words lately for a 6-year-old.  We giggle when he expresses himself sometimes, and he is aware that sometimes his vocabulary is above and beyond.  He asked us the other day, "Seriously! What 1st grader do you know who uses the word vomit, mediocre, and pristine?"

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Tonight we were having a Family Home Evening Lesson on testimonies.  Mitch started out the lesson by singing our "I Know He Lives" song from the Easter Pageant - we were all out of tune...it made me laugh.... And then he asked questions as an attention getter:

"What do you call it when you share something that you know that is true with other people? Things that are right?"
Tyson was thinking really hard and responded, "Accuracy?"
Correct principles and truth ARE "accurate" things, but the word we were going for was TESTIMONY!

This lesson was spot on for our little family.  Tyson likes to share his testimony in family night in the way it comes to him, which is usually through deep analogies, such as comparing testimony and faith to thriving & dying plants or boats with holes on the ocean.  These comparisons usually come with multiple layers and conceptual angles, and then he wants to share them in church, but when he sees the crowd during fast and testimony meeting, he freezes up and he can't remember all the pieces to what he was trying to say. The one time he went to the pulpit about a year and a half ago, he started talking in the microphone and his mind went blank when he saw all the people, so I had to help coach him by walking over to him and he's been afraid to go back ever since.  He's only 6 years old, so it's okay that he's not yet ready to go back in front of the congregation, but at the same time, we're trying to teach him that it's okay to share a simple testimony, too. Mitch shared a little movie clip about how Brigham Young's testimony started not by hearing a man using fancy words, but by a man who spoke simply and without eloquence.  To paraphrase, he said in that moment his personal knowledge, education, and experiences bowed to the truth that was spoken simply by the Spirit.  I adore the way Tyson analyzes and speaks with advanced thoughts - he is an old soul in a little body, and I don't think it's bad thing that he thinks in analogies.  But I also hope that he will grow in confidence by realizing it's okay to take baby steps - eventually when he is no longer afraid of speaking in front of many people, that he will be able to express himself in the way he wants to.

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EMMETT

 

Emmett is a little dramatic sometimes.  Last week he was purposely keeping his friends from going into the back yard.  He explained, "Don't go out there!  There are bugs that can kill you!"

 

"Emmett, there aren't any bugs out there that can kill you."

 

"Yes there are!"

 

"Like what?"

 

"Like FRUIT FLIES!"

 

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Today Emmett was watching a cartoon.  When I saw my Grandmother doing laundry, and I decided to pause the cartoon and I asked Emmett if he could quickly help Grandma carry some laundry.  Emmett is the kind of kid who has to have the idea in order for it to be a good one, and helping with laundry was NOT his idea.  So instead of helping for 10 seconds, he was sad for an hour and a half as he resisted doing this chore, because of course he wasn't allowed to watch the program again until he was a helper.  As he sat next to me in the office pouting until he was ready to help, Mitch called for something and heard what was happening, so he asked to speak to Emmett.  I almost died laughing when Emmett explained his motives to my husband over the phone: "But Dad!  I just want to do something, except for something LAME!"  The irony is that I think sitting on an office chair and whining is LAME.  Eventually he realized that, too, and decided to be a helper.  I think he's learned a lesson, because he's been a very helpful boy the rest of the day, and he's been cheerful, too.  The family adage my dad always told my brother comes to my mind: "When you mind, you're happy;  when you don't mind, you're sad."  I guess I'm turning into my parents, because I'm definitely going to teach that phrase to my kiddos.

 

My mom says Emmett is a lot like my brother Heber, who was also very strong willed as a kid.  I personally remember Heber sitting with a sad face at the dinner table for over an hour because he refused to take that last bite of carrots in order to get his donut....  I THINK my parents and Heber both compromised eventually...I'm pretty sure he gagged the carrots down WITH a bite of donut.  But I'll never forget the image of a cute, round-faced, red-head, sitting at the end of the table in the "breakfast nook" bay window area.  He was stubborn, but Heber has turned out to be pretty darn awesome, so I know there's hope for my strong-willed children.  I believe they are powerful little souls couped up in these tiny little bodies - it's HARD to learn how to obey parents and how to deal with emotions, but I feel like Emmett came off as a champion today...it just took a lot more patience and effort on my part than I realized it would.  

 

My parents probably just hear these stories and laugh - someday Emmett is going to get his own little firecracker to love and cherish, and I will probably giggle, too. 

 

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MILES

 

During family night, Miles liked that we were singing the "I Know He Lives" song from the Easter Pageant.  After Mitch's lesson, he asked a question about testimonies, and Miles responded by raising his left arm up in the way we do at the end of the Easter Pageant.  "Uaaaiiiiiiuuugh" he said and smiled at us looking to see if we understood what he meant with those great big eyes and searching eyebrows.  He's so cute!   I believe he really did recognize that song and the way he felt went exactly with what Mitch was talking about.  I love that Miles shared his own little testimony tonight. 

 

He can say some words and letter sounds clearly.  He's been asking me all day to do starfall with him.  He doesn't call it "starfall", he just says the letter he wants to do until I give in.  "R....r......r......r?"  Or sometimes he says the v sound:  "Vvv....vvvv.....vvvv?"  His other favorite letter is W.  He can't say "double - u", but he can say "whu".  And then he spends the rest of his time trying to communicate by signing and talking.  Mitch is always asking me things like, "He's hitting his fist on his elbow.  Does that mean something?"  Yep, it means cracker.  Of course. Even though I'm the household signing "expert", there are some things I don't know the sign for, like vitamin.  So Miles has made up his own sign for that.  It looks like a combination of the sign for "green" and the sign for "movie" because he keeps his other 3 fingers up and shakes it in the same way.  I went and did a google search that brought me to the Signing Savvy website - it's a free online dictionary that shows signs for words you look up.  I found the sign for vitamin and showed Miles, but when he smiled and signed back, it became apparent that "Green Movie" is how it's going to be in our house for a while.  Some of my deaf friends have told me about "home signs"...I guess we're experiencing first hand what that really is.  I never thought I'd understand this concept with a hearing child who has a speech-delay.  It's ironic, it's funny, and it's an adventure to communicate with our darling Miles. 

 

We bought a large container of dinosaur vitamins from Costco.  If you look inside the container, it's mostly full of orange and red ones.  That's because the other kids only like the gummy kind and Miles ONLY eats the PURPLE vitamins - one purple dinosaur every day and he asks for it with a smile and his "green movie" home-sign.  *Sigh*  NO WONDER Mitch is having a hard time picking up sign language! 

 

It's impossible to keep up with this kind of craziness!  

 

What it Means to be Beautiful - or Ugly - You Choose

Four weeks ago today, I had a skin cancer surgery.  On my face.  Between my eyes.  I already had a scar there from when I was a kid.  I actually liked that scar - it landed Mitch the opening line that started our courtship: "How did you get that scar on your nose?"  Oh, so smooth, right?  How else should a man land a woman, but by seeking out her most obvious flaw to break the ice?  (Don't loathe him, though.  He really is a stud muffin.)  Even so, I didn't want another chasm created on my face.  I had a signature scar, and it didn't need a twin.

For days after the surgery, all I could see when I looked in the mirror was the inch long incision - THAT'S HUGE WHEN IT'S BETWEEN YOUR EYES, okay?  It was my Bride of Frankenstein marking.  The ever present swelling on the bridge of my nose made me look like an alien, too.   I had a puffy black eye to boot, and I wished for Halloween so I could justify looking that way.  But since it wasn't October, I especially felt ugly when I stared at the new problem spot on my face.

 

I didn't really feel like smiling when I looked in the mirror - that probably added to my personal disgrace.  All I could do was lie on the couch and hold a huge ice pack...to my face....  I don't know why my husband so kindly let me cope with the melodramatic trauma that I exuded as I believed that I would never look the same again.  He didn't tell me to buck up - he just took care of the kids and let me watch TV thru the one eye that wasn't covered with the ice pack.

Just a few months ago I was able to read a novel written by our cousin, Chanda Simper.  Fortunately for me, in the heart of my despair lying on the couch, I had the moral of her story haunting me, and these words kept running through the back of my mind: self-loathing is one of the greatest forms of selfishness.  That's embarrassing to ponder, right?  Who wants to accept the hard truth?  No one.  But IT'S TRUE!  And I didn't want to be like that.  Even if I was ugly, I needed to quit being selfish, and I needed to snap out of it.


The Man I Thought Was Unattractive:

I had a flashback to a person I met long ago.  There was a particular young man who happened to be the only one I have ever truly thought was homely.  I always felt bad for him, because he just didn't look nice - ever - it seemed.  As I thought back to him, I remembered that he never smiled...unless it was at a crude joke or something rude.  He seldom fixed his hair, or he would having an unflattering buzz cut revealing that even the skin rolls on his head were not symmetrical.  He always wore uncomely and frumpy clothes - not that you need to buy the top of the line anything, because I never do, but he always chose clothes that were tacky or reflected his bad mood.  As I thought of these things I started to see a few simple changes that could have helped him through that time in his life and I knew I needed to do some of those things for myself.  What I thought was ugly on the outside was affecting me on the inside, but what was growing inside me felt even uglier than what I saw in the mirror.  I suddenly had more sympathy for that boy I knew - maybe he felt that he wasn't necessarily born with a handsome face.  Maybe he hated himself for it.  Maybe that's why he let himself be ugly on the inside, too.  From first hand experience, I was understanding that when you're ugly on the outside it tempts you to be ugly on the inside.  But truly, wouldn't he have been more handsome on the outside if he chose to push the ugliness out?  I believe with all my heart that he would have been.

I couldn't be selfish anymore - I had to fix the ugliness that was growing. I read a post from a friend on facebook.  Her son had been sick all night - she was exhausted...so was I...I knew how she felt.  I wanted to do something for her.  It had only been a few hours after my surgery at this point - I didn't have tons of energy, so I decided I could take her Mitch's kettle corn.  But by the time we made it, it was too late to visit, and I thought I'd take it to her in the morning.  But in the early daylight, my kids devoured the popcorn before I got up.  That was a bust!  Mitch was at work now, so I couldn't beg him to make more for us to take to someone else.  I stared in the mirror and slapped on a forced smile.  I decided I would put on some nice clothes and fix my hair.  That helped, but I was still swollen and had a hard time smiling. 

Finally, I thought of a service I could do without bothering others for assistance.  I could email some pictures to a friend I met at the Gilbert Temple Open House.  They'd come from California and had forgotten their camera; I took down their info & told them I would send them the pictures, but it had been a few weeks and they were probably wondering if I was serious about my promise. Here was my chance.  Writing a short email, I attached a picture, and clicked SEND.

Would you believe that such a simple act felt so good inside?  It started to heal my ugliness.  It healed my ugliness so much that when I looked in the mirror again, THE SWELLING WAS ALMOST COMPLETELY GONE.

Maybe that was a personal miracle, but it was also a very real lesson to me.  I didn't feel so ugly, and really, I wasn't so ugly even when the swelling was there.  But truly - I began to wonder whether or not being beautiful on the inside might have some healing powers for the outside physical ailments we experience.  I realized the power of my Spirit and countenance, and with the reminder, I could start looking at the bigger picture. 

Why is it that when we look in the mirror, we see the ONE flaw we have when there is so much more to be seen that's beautiful and without flaws?

Why do we look at the bags under our eyes and stare?

Why do we look at a scar?

Why do we see only fat on our hips?

Or crooked teeth?

Or skin that's too this or too that?

The one gray hair?

When you focus on imperfections only, you get stuck, and you start to obsess over something that doesn't matter so much, and then you forget what's truly important and you miss what life is all about - and then you feel crummy because you're all out of focus.  You can't learn the lessons that your problems are trying to teach you, because you're too self-centered to see them.  You can't love your family like they deserve, because you're being too selfish.  When you let the ugliness that you think you see change you on the inside, the truest tragedy of all occurs - you actually become ugly, and that's the one thing (of all things) you didn't want to be.

I guess I always thought I knew these lessons, but sometimes God decides that we need to re-learn our lessons through various circumstances so we can understand what He wants us to know from different angles.

Death of a dear child awakened truth in me:


A few days after I had been re-learning these SIMPLE lessons the hard way, the unthinkable happened.  Sweet little 11-year old CJ Udall was taken home to his Heavenly Father - he was trying to save his dog in the canal and he drowned. 

I thought back to all those years living on the ASU Campus.  CJ's parents, Dwight & Jori, reached out to us (and to everyone they met) in our ASU East Ward.  They treated everyone with kindness, and treated even newbies like old friends.  They sympathized with others & always had insights and encouragement to give.  They are some of the BEST people we've ever met, and I couldn't believe they were (and are still) experiencing such a deep loss.  Then I thought of darling little CJ when he was just a little tyke walking along the pews at church with a bounce in his step, and bright white hair it seemed.  I couldn't believe that "just like that", he was gone.  My mind flashed back to my pre-parenting days when I remembered thinking, "If I were to ever have a baby with down syndrome, I'd want him to be exactly like CJ." 

Mitch and I didn't know what to do, but we knew we had to do something.  So we took them flowers & a card.  We thought we'd leave it on the doorstep if they were busy. We thought we'd give them a hug and leave quickly.  But you know what happened?  Dwight and Jori once again were amazing.  As we spoke to Dwight and cried about CJ's passing, he hugged us tightly and said he hurt like he'd never hurt before, but then he shared his hope and faith to strengthen us.   Then, in our short conversation, he asked US how OUR families were doing -- he was genuinely concerned about how my little sister and brother-in-law are doing all the way across the country. I just marvelled that despite his shattered world, he could find the energy to think about them, too - it meant so much to me!  We also saw sweet Jori before we left, too.  She hugged me so tightly, and I wished and prayed for words that I could give her.  But there were no words worth saying in that moment.  And as we cried and talked about CJ, she took a moment and asked, "How are you?  How is your face doing?"  I was shocked by the words spilling out of her mouth, and then we both started to laugh:

"JORI!!!!  NOBODY CARES ABOUT MY FACE!"


Maybe I had cared about my face a few days before, but my healing incision was so small in the scheme of things.  I had already been learning my lessons, but she taught me something more that day.  She taught me about true beauty through her SELFLESSNESS.  Dwight and Jori both - amid their deepest of griefs - displayed their most beautiful selves of all...without even trying, might I add.  But that's because that's who they are - that's who they've been trying to be all throughout the years - selfless act after selfless act is what has made them the powerful influencers they've always been.  They're always smiling and loving and caring, and they have never allowed the ugliness of life's circumstances and trials make them ugly on the inside, and that's why their influence shines so brightly.  I dare say that's why their perfect little CJ chose them as his parents.  True beauty is seen by the truly beautiful & that's why a perfect soul chose to come to them. 



Suffering of a friend showed me a different image of myself:


Last, but not least, I want to talk about a beautiful woman I spent time with today.  Hours ago I was trying to fall asleep, but this experience with Judi is what has caused me to stay up late and finally put down the thoughts that have been forming in my head for quite a while.

Judi is the mom of one of my mom's best friends.  Many of the challenges she has faced in life have been so extremely difficult you'd think that just ONE of those trials would have been enough for anyone to deal with in their lifetime.  But Judi has faced obstacle after obstacle of a large magnitude and has come away as a conqueror. 

For example, just ONE of the challenges she's faced was cracking her spine.  She had a fall that almost paralyzed her.  Because of it, she spent 18 months in the hospital & away from her family (she was already a mother at the time). When she was sent home in a wheelchair, she was told she'd never walk again.  Just a little background about Judi - she's a Vietnam Vet.  She's also a cancer survivor.  The truth of the matter is that she's a fighter.  So of course she walks again - because the doctors didn't know what they were talking about, and they didn't know who they were dealing with as they sent her on her way.  Her pathway hasn't been easy.  Also, because of all of her medical problems, she had constant and extreme pain for 8 years.  Think about how long 8 years is, and then think about the difficult journey it might be to deal with that kind of pain & the difficulty of getting off of pain pills - but guess who did it?  Judi did.

Would you believe that she recently went through the temple for the first time and had a miracle happen?  For the 1st time in 8 years, when she was in the temple, praying, she no longer had pain.  She does not hesitate to share her testimony.  The Lord healed her.  He took away her pain.  She still has other health problems, but He took the pain away.  She promised Him that if He would heal her, she would go as often to the temple as she possibly could.  Well, it's been a month, and she has been 18 times since her first visit (that's MORE times in one month than I went in all of last year).  She goes every day it's open, and she's living a new life that she LOVES.  It's so inspiring to me!

With all the times I've been around Judi, I always knew she was a sweetheart, but today I received insights into many of the events that have made her who she is.  Her faith inspiring story is wonderful, and what's equally amazing to me as this miracle that she's been blessed with, is the person she is inside. 

First of all, I was at her house because she knew that my family and I have had a crazy last few months, so she invited me over to have a facial and lunch.  As I was given my facial she talked to me about how she had felt like her problems just came one after another with no chance to have a break in between, but she was told that those things were happening to give her strength.  She said, "At the time I didn't know what I would need THAT KIND of strength for, but now I know."

That got me to thinking.  "Uh-oh.  That's how I have been feeling.  I have felt that we've had problem after problem thrown in our way lately and I don't know when we're going to have a break from them.  I guess it's helping us to gain strength, but does that mean I should be scared about what on earth is coming that I'm going to need this kind of strength for?"

With peace, and a tone that made me know she knows the answer, she calmly replied,

"No.  Just be grateful.''

 

And that's what you call true beauty.  Here is a woman who is currently experiencing equally difficult struggles and suffering in her life as the next person (or I dare say MORE difficult problems than the next), but she FORGOT to feel bad about herself and she felt bad for me instead.  She reached out to me, and she is making the world a better place because she knows what it means to be grateful and kind no matter what life gives you.  Judi's efforts started out to give me a facial just to help me feel relaxed and beautiful, but the deep cleansing reached past my face and sank into my heart.

 

Problems in life always happen.  We all face them.  Sometimes they hit harder and deeper than we ever imagine.  But YOU CAN CHOOSE.  You can choose if those experiences will make you stronger.  You can choose to beat the odds.  You can choose if those experiences will make you more faithful and if you'll learn from them.  You can choose whether or not those moments will make you more beautiful or ugly on the inside, and we all know that what's on the inside affects how we are on the outside.

I love the surgeon who sliced my face and started this much-needed process for me.  I love Chanda's insight and the moral of her story that haunted me.  I love that poor high school boy who I hope has had a chance in the last 15 years to learn what it means to love himself.  I love my friends Jori & Dwight.  And I love my friend Judi.  Most of all, I am grateful that God saw I had some growing to do and that he gave me the gift of friendship to SHOW me how to cope properly and what to do when life gives you problems.  Now that I know, I'm going to choose:
 

Today I'm going to look at my life differently.  Today I am letting go of my selfishness.  Today I am going to think about and help others.  Today I'm going to be grateful for what I experience and what I'm learning. 

Today I'm choosing to be beautiful.