Tithing and Temptations

A couple weeks ago on a Wednesday, I was getting ready to pay bills.

You know how bills go.

Sometimes they go smoothly.   But it all just depends on how rocky the extra life events are currently going in your life.  There can be times when the deadlines of bills don't mesh so well with the rest of your life.

Well we happen to have several large life events going on at once in this season of our married life.  On this particular Wednesday, we had a situation where I had a choice to make.  I could pay my tithing, or I could pay something else that had a pressing deadline, and then pay the tithing on Friday instead when we would get paid again.

So I wouldn't really have not paid my tithing.

I was just tempted to delay my tithing 2 days.

That's not the same as NOT paying your tithing.  

Right?  

Now, I realize that to some this could be a non-issue, because their agreement with God has different terms...like say for example, if you've committed to God that you're going to pay once annually, and that works for you, then I think that's awesome.

But my agreement with God doesn't really work that way.

A long time ago my husband and I decided that in regards to tithing our plan is to pay it first - it doesn't work for us to pay it once annually.  With the way we manage things, it's best for us to pay it off the top of our income as it rolls in.  Based off of scriptural promises and even past experiences, our belief is that IF we pay our tithing first, the other things will work out and the blessings He promised will come.

Well...here it was Wednesday, and it would have been so much easier to pay this other pressing need with a deadline first, so I called Mitch about it.

His quick response was, "Just pay tithing - it'll work out."  I said, "You're right, I don't know why this is a temptation for me."  But he reassured the reason it seemed like a temptation was because it was.

So we moved forward with faith, and we paid tithing.

The next day my car broke down.

Then I was tempted. AGAIN.  I was tempted to be upset.

I heard this squeaking noise start to happen as I was loading up the car with my children in it. As the squeaking continued, I thought, "I've had a squeaky belt before...I'll just try to drive this down the street a little."  By the end of the street, which is not very far, the squeaking didn't go away, and I lost all power steering.  Turning around was suddenly a major feat.  I was headed to work, so part of me had hoped I could have gone all the way there, but as I was man-handling the wheel & trying to power my car to turn, I quickly realized, there was no hope of getting anywhere outside the neighborhood.  All I could pray for was to get back home.  By the time I got back around the block, which is still not very far at all, there was this burning smell, and my car was overheating.  I limped into a parking position, popped the hood, and quickly got my children out of the vehicle.  Miles was seriously worried and said, "I don't want the car to blow up!"

I pulled out the hose & started cooling off the radiator - steam was flying everywhere from every part of the area under the hood. The neighbor down the way came to ask if I needed help.  He was certainly amazing & found exactly what went wrong, gave me advice, and said he'd come back to help my husband when we replaced the pulley.

Well...later that night I was still tempted to be upset.  Why?  I JUST PAID MY TITHING, and the car breaking down wasn't what I thought we needed at this time...we have another pressing deadline - like the most major pressing deadline of our entire married lives coming up 6 weeks from the time my car broke down, so in my head I just wondered why this had to happen NOW - of all times.  But then that night we were reading scriptures...I'm pretty sure it was this scripture that we read:

1 Nephi 14:1-2 

1 And it shall come to pass, that if the Gentiles shall hearken unto the Lamb of God in that day that he shall manifest himself unto them in word, and also in power, in very deed, unto the taking away of their stumbling blocks—

 2 And harden not their hearts against the Lamb of God, they shall be numbered among the seed of thy father; yea, they shall be numbered among the house of Israel; and they shall be a blessed people upon the promised landforever; they shall be no more brought down into captivity; and the house of Israel shall no more be confounded.

I stopped Mitch & we read it again - the part about not hardening our hearts just really stuck out to me, and I knew that my murmurings were hardening my heart.  So I let it go, and I chose to be grateful.  And I know my husband decided to focus more on what we knew to be the silver linings in that day.

• My car broke down ON MY STREET instead of half way to work, or anywhere else.  
• Neighbors were readily available offering assistance in any way we needed - borrowing cars, mechanical advice, service....  
• Irrational or not, the car didn't blow up like Miles feared.  (Although when I thought of the "irrational" part of this, in the back of my mind this thought reminded me that for the last 6 months whenever I had the kids loaded in the car & I needed to grab something, a different worry than normal would come to me, and I would think -  "What would I do if my car caught on fire & the kids were in the car?"  So that thought caused me to be cautious for the last 6 months and slightly paranoid.  Part of me felt like his fears really weren't all that "irrational" at all.)

After scripture study, Mitchell went out to the car to work on it.  When we popped the hood, we smelled something new...something that even the neighbor hadn't noticed earlier, but was shocked to smell with us now.  Enough time had passed by for the rubber burning smell to go away...the rubber burning smell was what caused me to hesitate in the beginning of the day - it's what I thought was really wrong with my car.  Standing by the car after scriptures that night, I learned that the rubber-burning/belt issue was just a cover-up for a much larger problem that I couldn't tell was there earlier.  

We had an electrical fire going on in my van.

And the kids had been in it.

The fire damage had ruined all of my automatic controls - so I couldn't unlock the car.

When we drive, the cars automatically lock.  Because the automatic locks & sensors were no longer working, that means I could have been somewhere random on the road with my car on on fire, and I could have had a very difficult time getting my children out of the car.

The realization just sank deep into my soul.



All of this happened on a Thursday - the day after I had been tempted with my tithing.

On Friday, we got paid, and that pressing issue with a deadline also worked out.

But every time I look at that van...it is still broken down, actually...but, even though it's a hardship, and even though my mom's life is not easy because she's loaning me her car, and I keep telling her to quit enabling me by being so nice, and even though I cannot purchase a new vehicle for a few more weeks, and even though my husband is at a total loss for why the vehicle is not sparking even though he replaced so many things...

I am so extremely grateful that the blessing for paying my tithing was that my car broke down.  I cannot deny the overwhelming mercies that occurred - it broke down in a very safe place for me and my children, and no harm or trauma or worse hardships occurred in the process of the electrical fire.  I know the Lord is in the details and I know without a doubt that He protected us that day.

My lesson for the books:  Pay your tithing. Do not delay. Remember that when the blessing on your head is not what you expected - just be grateful, because there's Someone above who knows so much more than you do about the assistance you really need.


A few photos:

Here's a photo of the charred innards of one of the fuse panels - somewhere around here I have a photo of what seems like a huge bouquet of burned wires & fuses - some of them melted together, some of them were just singed, but all of them were brown & discolored from burning.

Just one example of one person reaching out to us, and while someone was already helping us at the time we got the text, I was so thankful this kind man cared enough to check on us.

 Here are some angels on earth from Mitch's teacher's quorum. 

SILENT NO MORE: Why We Opted Out of the AzMerit

I learned important lessons this month:

1) I disagree with the contracts teachers are required to sign that force them to remain silent.

2) I can be brave and I will speak up.


THE SILENCING
If you've ever been a teacher in this country, you will know that a teaching contract actually takes away your right to speak up about your opinions regarding educational laws and political choices that influence education.  When you sign a contract you have the impression that you will lose your job if you EVER cross this line, so you train your self to be tight lipped about the way you feel.


THE DAMAGE OF BEING SILENCED
You know what?  This is wrong and it's extremely damaging to individuals.  It also creates a negative environment to work in that stifles creativity and expression.  The damaging effects of this restriction is actually something that lasts in your life far longer than the last day you have a teaching contract.  For me, the damage has lasted for 7 years.

Now don't get me wrong - I can definitely understand the importance of being neutral in the classroom so the children can formulate their own opinions, and to allow them to skip out on controversy when they need to focus on reading, writing, & arithmetic.  But to force an adult to remain silent in staff meetings and in the community on issues that are closest to their heart is detrimental not only to these amazing educators as individuals, but it's detrimental to our educational system.  The way I see it is that differing opinions can tug and pull to find a happy middle ground that can benefit everyone.  The way it works now is that instead of having the tug and pull of differing opinions of individuals who are IN THE TRENCHES of education, they are SILENCED and instead, all of the decisions are spoken about & influenced by outside sources who are not involved in the daily effects & consequences of all the political decisions that rule the classroom.

I also have seen from experience that not everyone completely follows this rule to remain silent - especially not in staff meetings, and especially not as union members.  Typically I have seen that people who agree with the political ties affiliated with educational change will speak up of their approval, and I have also seen them to paint individuals who might disagree as "haters of education".  Politically this usually translates into - "if you vote for Democrats, we like you, if you vote for Republicans you must not care about children".  In the classroom setting you must tow the line very carefully.  In the classroom setting all of this contractual business translates into, "if you promote liberal ideology that's okay, but if you hint at conservative/moral principles, you'd better watch out."  For example, in a social studies lesson a long time ago, a student asked me if abortion was the same as miscarriage and I responded, "Miscarriage happens naturally, but abortion is a choice."  I got called into the principal's office over this - a parent complained - apparently not everyone views this topic that way.  I've never forgotten that because it made me feel like in the classroom you're not even allowed to give clear definitions - and THAT is insane.


SILENT NO MORE
As a Conservative Republican and LOVER of EDUCATION, I am going to "fly my freak flag" & explain why I chose to "Opt Out" of the Az Merit.

I am not against Standardized Testing.  I am against the data-mining that is allowed for psychoanalysis of our children.  I am against the way this test allows personal information to be stored on our children & sold to third parties, but that everything is hush-hush if the parents want to know.  This data mining of information on our children means that the test results can be used FOR OR AGAINST them for any reason under the sun at any time of their life.

No, I'm not crazy.

No, I don't hate children or education.

As much as I believe that Big Brother needs to get out of my life, and as much as I wanted to stand up for this, I have to say that I was very scared to do so.  I was more afraid to face my peers than I ever have been in my life.  I was afraid to stand up for what I believed and opt out of this test because I didn't want my colleagues to demonize me as a hater of education.  There are so many people I respect who have different opinions than I do, and I was afraid of what they would think of me.  So to ease this conflict, I stifled my feelings and I put my son on the bus on the 1st day of the AZ Merit testing.  My friend Laurie, who was also conflicted about the test was going to send her son to school also, and we were texting back and forth.  As I watched him get on the bus and as I thought about the reasons I was choosing to do what everyone else was doing and ignoring what I believed about this test, I thought, "Am I choosing the easier wrong instead of the harder right?"  In my heart, I knew that the answer was yes - for me and my family and what I knew about this test and for the cowardly reasons of not wanting to face my peers with my true opinion, the answer was yes.  I rethought my decision and was going to go down to the school to pick my son up, but by the time I called it was too late to pull him out on that first day of testing.

My friend Laurie was super brave.  She was the first one in the history of the public school our kids attend to ever stand up against the AZ Merit.  Unfortunately she received a lot of heat for her decision - including a grueling 45 minute conversation with the principal.  I'm proud of her, because she forged the path, and she made it easier for me to stand up for what I believed in.  After some things my son said when he came home from the testing I knew I couldn't do that again, and after the feeling I had when I sent him, I knew I needed to stand up for what I believed in.  So I wrote a letter to the principal, and even though I knew what I needed to do, I had a really hard time taking this stand.

I probably stared at the send button for about an hour and a half before I chose to send it.  Not kidding.


THE LETTER

"Hi (Principals' Name)!

I have been conflicted about the AzMerit Test.  

I am not against standardized testing, and I recognize the need to have a benchmark standard & assessment. I have even viewed the sample questions and am fully aware that the content of the test is grade level appropriate and in line with what the kids have been learning at school.  However, I am not happy with the way our children's constitutional rights & privacy are being ignored with this test.  

There are many statements by those who created the test that my husband and I both find worrisome.  They talk about data-mining with the test results--storing the results for years and allowing outside companies access to our children's information even though parents are not allowed access to their answers.   By executive order, some of the data that is allowed to be stored can include hand writing samples and other bio-metric information of our children.  They can even perform psychoanalysis on the test results for whatever reason they so choose.  I feel that the government has absolutely overstepped their bounds in respect to their control of the educational system, the rights of our children, and the rights of the parents.

On Tuesday, I almost did not send Tyson to school, but I put him on the bus anyway.  In the following half hour I was rethinking my decision & planned to come pick him up from school to opt out of the test.  When I called the school shortly after 9am, however, I found out the test was already being administered, so I chose to not make a ruckus.

When he got home from school, I asked him how the day went.  I also asked him about the test.  I asked him if he was asked to write on a controversial topic or just a normal topic.  He gave me vague details, and it sounded like an age-appropriate/grade level sort of writing exercise.  But then he said, "We should be careful about talking about the test, because one of us could get arrested." 

I wondered why he would have that impression. 

I know impressions like that don't come from either you or (his teacher).  (She) is one of the most supportive teachers of parents & family that I've ever encountered.  She's been amazing.  (She also provided the website for the sample questions, which I appreciated.)  I've also seen you in action as the Principal in meetings, at events, & assemblies and know you exemplify quality character for my kids to see, which I absolutely appreciate.  

The impression my son got that he's not allowed to talk to his parents about what happens at school came from whatever he was told in the testing instructions.  We discussed the importance of not talking to friends about test information because that's called cheating & it's wrong.  But at the end of the day, no matter what happens at school - a test, an interaction, a lesson, whatever it may be - if a child feels like they aren't allowed to talk to their parents about it, it's overstepping the boundaries & purpose of the educational system.  It's wrong, and we don't need to be a part of it.

With all of that being said, Tyson told me that he has to pass the Reading portion in order to move on to 4th grade, but I also heard the schools don't get the test results until after the next school year begins, so I need to know which of those is true.  If Tyson doesn't take the Reading portion of the AzMerit, please let me know what other provisions are in place to ensure he will move on to 4th grade?  

Lastly, please also let me or my husband know if we need to send Tyson to school to read in the front office or some other location while the testing happens or if he needs to just stay home.

Thank you so much!..."

My experience turned out better than my friend, Laurie's.  I only had to speak to the principal for 20 minutes, my son's teacher said that she completely understood my concerns, but that she's "just a job with no opinion".  And then she was very kind each day to send me a message as soon as the testing was over so that Tyson didn't miss more school than he needed to.  Because the principal preferred for us to keep the kids at home, we did, and we made some fun memories as I guess I was apparently teaching my son what it meant to be "civilly disobedient".

I will say that on the 2nd day of testing, I had a ton of other feelings...feelings like, "Am I crazy?"  But I will tell you right now - the feelings I had after I opted out felt so much better than the feelings I had on the day I opted in.  I do not regret my decision for one second.

SOMETHING ELSE I SHOULD HAVE STOOD UP FOR

I decided not to renew my teaching contract when I had my 2nd child because I wanted to stay home with the kids and raise them - even with less money I felt it was important for our family to do that at that time.  All the years that I have not worked full time have clipped by quickly.  But what hasn't left quickly was the subconscious feeling that I should remain silent on educational issues.

One decision I made that I have regretted was the choice of not giving a public endorsement of Eddie Farnsworth when he was last up for election.  I have obtained signatures for him to be on the ballot before, but last time he was running, I was afraid to have my name connected with his online because I was afraid to stand up to my peers in education.  I didn't want to take the heat for what they might say.  I was conflicted on the issues that were happening.  I was also so busy being a mom, and I didn't feel well enough educated on the issues to feel like I could defend myself with reasons that would make me NOT look bad to my peers.

Well, being a busy mom is not a free pass to be silent. 

And if you're a mom (or dad), you had better be more invested than you've ever been in the things that affect your children's education or you will find your children indoctrinated with whatever the government chooses.  If you stay out of political issues because you think you're so busy raising children, you will actually find yourself in a position with no power to make changes that will help your kids.

So I would just like to say that I vote for Eddie Farnsworth.  I like him because he is unwavering on conservative principals.  Some people might say he's too much.  But he is passionate.  Some people say you need to "reach across the aisle", but usually when they say that, what they really mean is that you need to change your opinion and do it their way--usually the people I have heard say that have been liberals who don't like conservative politics.  I do agree with the statement of reaching across the aisle in regards to being kind and I do feel that in government it is a blessing to have differing opinions so that that all people and views can be represented.  Sometimes because there is a tug and pull in opinions you end up with a happy medium in the middle.  Well the problem that has been increasing over time in politics is that the conservatives are continuously compromising, and the liberals are not.  In the end the conservatives are not protected or made to feel that their voices are even allowed to be spoken because it differs from what's "politically correct".  Well anyway, I like Eddie because he is conservative always - he is not a wavering conservative who turns moderate, and then eventually liberal.  You know what to expect with him, and he speaks up for the principals that resonate with me.

In AZ education, public school people like to demonize Eddie Farnsworth because he runs the Benjamin Franklin charter schools.  I have been involved in our local school district's "Zero-Based Budgeting Committee", and I cannot tell you how many negative things were spoken of in regards to charter schools.  I would even go so far as to say that during that time as I was around all those people--the people who actually shouldn't have really been expressing their opinions because of their contractual agreements but who voiced their opinions anyway-- I also began to believe that charter schools were ruining my life in regards to the public education of my children.  But this is the thing - charter schools have actually improved the quality of the options public schools now offer.  Public schools have to compete with charter schools and so it improves the educational standard as they cater to the "customers" needs and wants.  

I personally do not like that charter schools have affected our sense of community...in my boys' church classes, among about 10 kids or less you might find that the kids attend 5 different schools even though we all geographically live within the same square mile.  It's hard for the sense of community.  It's hard that our kids have neighborhood friends, church friends, and school friends.  It's hard that they feel like they only have a bunch of acquaintances instead of a core group of friends that they do everything with.  The sense of community is so dramatically different than the way I grew up as a kid, and I am not happy that it is this way for my children.  At any rate, that's not going to change back - we will never be able to go back to the way things used to be.  As time goes on, however, I have realized in a better way why people are fleeing public schools and going to charter schools or home-schooling.   

I have realized that it's because parents feel like they have better rights in regards to the education of their children when they go to charter school or when they home-school, and they don't feel so safe or as protected by the education system at the public school that is now so extremely affected by the federal government (as we have seen with our experience opting out of the AzMerit and the federal regulations that rub me wrong about Common Core and what our federal government can do with the results).  It is true that even the charter schools have to take this test, but over all throughout the school year at a charter school, the parents feel like they have more rights in regards to the education of their children, and that is why I believe so many people go there.

The message folks, is that charter schools are not the problem.  Eddie Farnsworth (or any other person who is connected to a charter school whether they are in politics or not) is not the problem.  The funding lost to public schools because of the large groups of people who are going to charter schools is not the problem.  

The budget issues you see are a SYMPTOM of the LARGER PROBLEMS.  One major "larger problem" in particular is that the government is overstepping its boundaries.  The federal government is trampling on the constitutional rights of students and parents, and they are trying to control our lives with the strings of money that are attached to all of the things they do.  The federal government has been doing this for years, and people are slowly but surely fighting back.  

You'd better believe that I am one of them. 

I am still supporting my local public schools, but opting out of this test is something I really needed to do for myself and for my children, and I am so glad I chose to do it. 

Opt Out AZ.

Family Night - Testimonies from the Easter Pageant

We had Family Night tonight.

The boys were in charge of the lesson.  Miles introduced everyone to family night and conducted the order of things in a "man voice".  Tyson & Emmett tag teamed the lesson with our family night lesson pack. They found the story of the healing of the blind man from the Bible.  It was fabulous.  We remembered there was so much more to this particular story than what was able to be portrayed in the short healing & teaching scene that showed pieces of several miracles that Jesus performed.

At the end, they bore their testimonies.

Emmett said that by the last night of the Easter Pageant, he felt a giant spirit in his heart.  He also said that when he was two, three, and four, his testimony wasn't very good, but that as he's done a lot of good things, it's gotten bigger.  He also said that he knows Jesus is REAL. Emmett then said that he knows he will get baptized someday and get his own scriptures and scripture case. :)  

Tyson bore his testimony, too. It was simple, but from the heart - about knowing Thomas S. Monson is the prophet on earth today, and that we're going to be together forever as a family.

The other night driving home from the Easter Pageant, Tyson shared a profound thought.  He said that during the scene of the Garden of Gethsemane, where Jesus is praying, he was listening to the narrator.  The narrator said that no event in the history of the world had more significance for mankind than Jesus' selfless sacrifice.  Tyson said that part really "grabbed [his] attention", and he knew that "there really was no other event that was more important than what Jesus did for us."

Miles wanted to bear his testimony tonight, and Emmett was so excited to help him.  He started him off with the words, "I would like to bury my testimony..."  :)


Earlier today, Miles told me he wanted to go to the Easter Pageant and see the fire. :)  We were in the group that sat closest to the torch bearers this year, and we watched the fire every night.  When I told him Easter was yesterday and that the Easter Pageant was over for this year, he was crestfallen.  Then he said, "I want to see the fire at the Easter Pageant - it looks like marshmallows on fire with a stick."  :)

After Emmett helped Miles by giving him the best testimony he could help him say, Emmett decided he wanted to bear his testimony with even more things to say, so he did.



When Emmett wanted to add more things, Tyson said, "Oh, expanded form."  He's such a brainiac, whiz-kid.  That's such a nerdy joke. :)  It's totally a Borden kind of thing, too.   He does things like that all the time.  For example, just the other night he told me he loves me "more than the perimeter of space".  I love my kids - when they try to express themselves, I get these enlightening little glimpses of the way they view the world.  They are amazing little people.

Mitchell shared his testimony about how one night on stage, it felt like it was just he and the other actors - that no one else was around, and they were all just there together telling this amazing story.  It wasn't until after that he realized there were so many other people there watching...thousands, even.  Another experience he shared with us was the way the Roman Centurion must have felt - he realized that Jesus was "more than just a man" and that they did something terrible by crucifying him.  Mitchell explained the relief he felt at the end of the Pageant each night as the Centurion comes to know that Jesus Christ really was resurrected...that after playing such a part in Christ's death, that because of the guilt that must have tormented him the truth of Christ's resurrection was something he truly needed to know.  What promise and hope and RELIEF that must have brought to him.  Mitchell likened that to the way our sins have all contributed to Christ's suffering & sacrifice, but that we can all experience that relief when we turn to Jesus Christ and repent.

I also gained a stronger testimony this year of Jesus Christ.  I portrayed a follower in the crowd.  I got to see Jesus perform miracles and bring the dead to life.  I got to see the blind man healed.  I got to stand on the grass with my kids shouting, "Hosanna", and hear my oldest yell, "He is Christ, the King!"  One of those nights, my own father even joined us in the multitude and sang "I know He lives" right by my side during the Finale.  That was the 1st time in 18 years of our family's participation that we ever got to share a moment like that as father and daughter on the stage.  It was so special to see him turn and smile at me right before the ascension.  On some of those nights, while we were standing on the grass, the actor who portrayed Jesus would ride the donkey right past us.  Sometimes when he went past us, or when he was on the main stage during a freeze, or sometimes during the final ascension, for just a little bit he would look into my eyes.  I felt the Spirit every time.  I can't perfectly describe how it felt, but it felt like for just a moment the real Jesus was there and that he knew me - He knew my heart, that I believed in Him, and that I wanted to be close to Him.  It reminds me of the song our ward choir sang in church for Easter Sunday -- "He knows I will follow Him - give all my life to Him.  I feel my Savior's love - the love he freely gives me." 

For me, nothing quite compares to the beauty of an Easter morning.  Knowing that my Savior lives has changed everything for me. It has made my life beautiful, it has brought healing, it has brought hope, it has brought happiness, and has given me the strength to endure all of my trials.  It is the very thing that I know will get me through anything else that I may have to experience in this life.  I know Jesus Christ lives and that He loves me, and that he doesn't just know my name - that he knows EVERYTHING about me.  And I know that's how he feels about you, too.  It's the most beautiful thing.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

(Image found at mikailahautumn.tumblr.com)

Just a couple weeks ago we had a crazy Monday morning (as usual). I was stressed out, and as we jumped in the car to go to school, I felt immediate guilt that we were praying in the car and reciting a scripture verse on the fly because I hadn't been organized enough to fit it into our time-crunched morning. Fortunately, I had the Sunday School lesson still in my phone to share with the kids on our short, mile-long drive.  

We were studying 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:

"9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong."

I was trying to explain to my children what Paul meant in verse 10 about how things that are hard for us are meant to strengthen us in our faith and bring us closer to God. I told them that when we have a trial to face, it can be a blessing because the Lord makes us stronger through those difficult experiences. Then I recapped what I was saying and asked the kids, "So when we have problems, what do we want them to do for us?" Emmett immediately responded, "We want them to GO AWAY!"

I thought his 5-year old response was so cute, and so typical of what we all feel when we have things happen to us that are difficult. I knew that he was applying how he felt about his own little trials - like a bullying situation he had experienced on the playground - but in my parenting perspective I just thought, "Someday when he's older, he'll get what I mean."

Well, just yesterday, as a 31 year old kid seeking advice from my own dad, I found myself explaining the ins and outs of a legal battle my husband and I are in (coincidentally it's a bullying situation of sorts in a different arena, and on a much larger scale). When my father tried to show me a potential silver lining, I said to him - "The problem is that I don't care about any of that - all I really want is for this to all go away!!!"  

My mind immediately flashed back to Emmett talking to me from the back seat of the car that morning not too long ago.  

We've switched roles now. :)  

It's so ironic, that so often the lessons we're trying to teach our kids are the same lessons they teach us.

I'm grateful the Lord has sent me someone in my little family who will "side" with me. Even if he's in Kindergarten, I feel strengthened knowing that in the Lord's grace and mercy, I've been given a little angel who is on my side in feeling that trials should just "go away"! :) I'm also grateful to know that the Lord is steady, and kind. Jesus Christ knows that life is full of problems that don't immediately go away, and He is there to walk each and every step with us so that we don't have to face it alone. And while I side with Emmett, in my heart, I do also take sides with Paul. My mind reflects on all the most difficult moments I've faced over the years, even at the lowest of moments when I was the most devastated and scared - I have called on the Lord and IMMEDIATELY felt that He was there - it's a quiet strength that the Spirit brings, but it's every bit as strong as the opposing feelings that led me to my knees - in fact, it's a stronger feeling, because it carries me through my trials and helps me overcome them. 

I'm still working on the "taking pleasure in my infirmities" part of all of this, but I can still reiterate this lesson from Paul and join my testimony with his. I can testify of the way the Lord and His Holy Spirit carries us through our trials, and I know that "When I am weak, then I am strong."

When Your Child Has A.D.D. - THERE ARE PERKS

About a year or two ago, I noticed a change in my oldest son's ability to focus.  

It seemed a little sudden, and it seemed a smidgen odd to me.  Then it got worse.  I was starting to freak out, but then something wonderful happened - 3 of my friends who have boys the SAME AGE said that they're having the same problems!  Because of this group of moms who showed up out of the woodwork, I decided this situation was simply a developmental stage for boys - what we were going through was normal.

Time passed, and unfortunately, improvement wasn't looming on the horizon.  One day I noticed my 5 year old was able to stay on task & follow directions better than my 8 year old. Worry started up again.  Tyson is smart and learns quickly.  He's also polite and in no way rude or defiant when he "forgets" about what he was told to do.  So I convinced myself again that it was nothing.

Well, 3rd grade started and everything was going great until BAM! a behavioral note came home expressing that my child could use some improvement on following teacher instructions and paying attention in class. He wasn't in major trouble, though, and my inner optimist came out to battle.  He was just reading a book instead of paying attention to the lesson after all...but after talking to the teacher, she let me know she has him SITTING AT THE TABLE CLOSET TO HER so that she can keep him on task better.  *SIGH*  For the first time, reality hit me that his focusing skills are comparatively worse than what the other kids are experiencing at this age.  That specific moment of realization was a total bummer.  This may not just be a "developmental phase" anymore!

The next day, a note came home about a field trip.  As I marked the box to say I'd be willing to chaperon, I began to ponder..."Hmmmm....wait a minute....WAIT. A. MINUTE!  For EVERY field trip my son has EVER been on, I have been "chosen" to chaperon....."  What do you know?...That's interesting, isn't it?   ...It's happened EVEN when chaperons were supposedly DRAWN OUT OF A HAT......  As the ink from my pen finalized the x on the spot, I had this strange, enlightening premonition that I would be chosen again.

Sure enough, less than 24 hours later, in rolled a congratulatory email from the teacher saying I had been "chosen" to go on the field trip.  Oh the irony!

For the last 3 years, I thought I had an insane amount of luck to go with my son on every field trip known to man.  But in reality, my son's teachers were actually thinking, "Yes, Mrs. Borden, please come, so that YOU can take care of him!"

Well, you know what I was thinking smugly on ALL of these occasions?  It was nothing more or less than, "WHOOO HOOOO!  I LOVE FIELD TRIPS!"

Bella & Tyson are FOURTH COUSINS!

I kept finding him dancing in a silent room to the music only he could hear through his headphones - it was awesome!

That bulbous instrument behind him was made out of a PIG BLADDER!

This DRUM was playing in the 2008 Olympics in China!  SO COOL!  I loved that drum number - I watched it in awe!

Going on the field trip was fabulous - 

1) I spent time with my son.

2) I got to see who my son's school friends are.

3) I got FREE admission to the MIM!  Rock on!!!!  

I love that place!!!

And best of all, it was comforting for me to see that there are other kids his age who are also easily distracted.  I think maybe all kids in 3rd grade have a little ADD.  

In general, though, even though he has trouble staying focused on mundane tasks or lessons that he finds trivial, I believe that my son is GIFTED.  From what I've read about gifted children I do think in some ways that's a nice way of saying he's smart, but also a little difficult to work with.   Truly he has great potential, though. I feel like I'm on a journey with him, trying to help him find his best learning style.  I wish I could capture some better glimpses of where he goes off to in his head - he's always coming up with creative & amazing ideas - I hope that someday he'll be able to funnel all of that creativity into a life destiny that makes him and others around him happy.  Actually...he's already making people around him happy - I could very well be the happiest one of all because of him - it's a beautiful blessing to have Tyson as my son.  

Until I had a child with A.D.D., I thought it sounded like a nightmare.  It is true that there are some tough moments...like when we're doing writing homework.   However, 99% of the time, life is just a grand adventure with my little guy - I love his stories, the random and amazing facts he can remember from the books he likes to read, the way he laughs about jokes that none of the other kids understands, the look on his face when he's thinking deeply, and his heart of gold.  

As for those field trip perks I was talking about - I've decided we can "Blame it on {his} A.D.D., Baby". (Thanks, AWOLNATION)

Prepared for Baptism

I'm not even close to the "finish line" of parenting, where you send your kid off and sit back to watch them spread their wings.  That day is still a ways away for all of my children. But there are questions that haunt me in anticipation of that milestone: Did I teach them enough?  Did I give them everything they needed?  Did I do enough?  Do they have all the tools they need to be okay?

I felt some of that harrowing responsibility last week as I watched my son on his baptism day.

He's only 8, so yes, there's plenty of teaching left to do under my watch & the watch of my husband.

But while he is young, our son is already at an impressionable, critical, and forming stage of his life. The choices he makes now really will start to affect the person he's going to turn out to be. As he has chosen to get baptized, I wondered: Did we teach him everything he needs to truly understand this commitment?  Does he know what it means to really follow Jesus Christ?  Sometimes following the commandments and understanding the gospel can feel so complex and overwhelming at times--does he know what it takes?

But then I realized - I have taught him everything he needs to know.  The implications of being baptized and confirmed are actually quite simple.

There is really only ONE rule, and that is to LOVE JESUS.  If you can LOVE the Lord, you can follow Him.  When you love God, you TURN TO HIM, and turning to the Lord is truly the answer to everything my son will need.  

He was ready for this.  He knows that there is only one name whereby man can be saved in Heaven.  He is already putting the gospel in action in his life.  He's trying to follow the commandments and be like Jesus would want him to be - he's not perfect at it, but none of us are.  We all need the Lord's grace.  He's already working on obtaining the word, and he's trying to apply it.

The gospel of Jesus Christ really is simple enough that a child can understand it.  It's the adults in this world who muddy it up and make it more complex than it needs to be.  The only thing we need to do is follow Jesus & turn to Him.  And last Saturday, that is what Tyson chose to do.  He followed the example of Jesus Christ, and he was baptized. 

It was a beautiful day.  I felt the Spirit at Tyson's baptism and it made me feel closer to the Lord, too.

Say "NO" to Drugs

Remember this post about "Paddling Upstream"?  Actually, you probably don't, because I felt too vulnerable to post it in real time, so it got back-dated.

But let me tell you...

Shortly after I had my baby, I came down with mastitis, and I lost my milk supply, and my doctor put me on a temporary medication and 2 herbal supplements to repair the problem.  The regimen DID fix the problem, and I was able to take care of my baby.  But when I tried going off the medicine, it affected my milk again, so I had to continue taking the medicine.  All the while, my life felt so out of control.  I felt overwhelmed, and I was having a majorly hard time adjusting to life with my 4th child. I was exhausted all the time.  Yes, I was waking up in the middle of the night to feed the baby, but even with that, I was getting close to 12 hours of sleep because I fell asleep super early and could hardly pull myself out of bed in the morning, and I still couldn't stop myself from conking out during day time baby feedings.  I hardly had the energy to fix meals or tell my kids to pick up after themselves.  I just felt so defeated, and not cut out for being a mom of 4 kids.

I simply couldn't take it anymore.  I finally changed my prayers, and I asked God to give me the strength, energy, and ability to be the mother to 4 kids that I was when I only had 3 kids.

During the days where I had changed my prayers, I had the thought that I needed to check my medicine bottle.  So I did....

"May cause drowsiness and dizziness...."

What's crazy is that when I FIRST read the bottle almost 2 MONTHS earlier, I had dismissed the side-effects and thought to myself, "This can't be worse than anything else I went through when I was pregnant." Well, it was.  And the side effects were worse than the medicines I had to take to keep my pregnancies.

I decided it was high time to "Say No to Drugs" - the side effects of the medicine weren't worth the benefits of taking the pills.  If I lost my milk, so be it.  There are worse things than feeding your baby formula.

I am so grateful that the Lord answered my prayer.  What is neat is that during the time I was on this medicine and feeling so overwhelmed and incapable, without even realizing I needed help, and without asking for it, many angels were sent my way.  I cannot even count how many random acts of service were done for me by friends and family during this time.  People just thought of me and called me, or showed up at my door to see if I needed help with anything.  I was so humbled by this.  I am beyond relieved, however, to now have the answer to what was wrong with me - I have been feeling like myself for the last 4 weeks, now, and the Lord has helped me to enjoy having 4 kids in the same way I could enjoy having 3, and to top it all off, I'm still able to nurse my baby.  I have been able to handle more and I feel on top of what I need to do as a mom.  I'm not perfect, and the house isn't always perfectly clean, but I feel like myself again.

I'm not saying all medicine is bad.  I know that if the good Lord hadn't led me to doctors and modern medicine during my pregnancies, I wouldn't have children at all, because without medicine I lose babies.  So I know that sometimes medicine is the right answer for your medical problems.  But in this case, in order for me to be a functional mother, I am so grateful to get this particular medicine OUT of my life.

Say No to Drugs!