When Someone Says Enjoy this Because...

Mother's in the thick of raising toddlers are pretty exhausted. They may already feel that they aren't cutting it, that they can never meet their childrens' endless list of needs, and that they are not capable of enjoying every moment in all the ways they had planned to when they entered the journey of parenting. 

People who are far past the season of raising young children will typically share sentiments like, "Enjoy it while it lasts," or "The time flies by so fast," or "Remember that one day you're going to miss this."

While those statements may be true they may also drive in the message that if someone is not enjoying every second of a child's potty training accidents, sleepless nights, frustrating tantrums, power struggles, speech delays, sensory needs, financial strain with raising a family, and even lost and forgotten personal dreams, that that parent is failing because their attitude must be in the wrong place as this season is to others the most enjoyable of all.

Now before you say, "That's not what I meant." ...or even before you say, "But all the hard times are worth it because this time with your kids is priceless...."  I want to speak up real quick for the tired moms.

You're so far beyond tired. I hear you. Your fatigue causes a myriad of joy inhibitors. That wasn't exactly what you imagined before you became a parent and that really stinks! You feel like you have to work for 10 hours or more to get a rewarding moment with your child that only lasts 10 seconds long before it's over. You want to put your child in extra-curricular activities so they can find themselves, but you don't often have the time or resources. You want to give your child the world, but it's too much to give and you feel disappointed because you lose a dream every time you can't give your child what you wish you could give them. I feel all of that with you, because I'm there.

The last couple years of child raising have been so hard for me that even tho I never thought I'd never say it, I'm actually grateful my kids are growing. I am not physically or mentally capable of maintaining this stress level for the rest of my life so I know the Lord is good to us that children do eventually grow up. 

My message to you is that it isn't always going to be this bad. Nothing lasts forever--everyone knows the good times can't last forever (they're only 10 seconds long, right?), and the blessing of that message is that even the bad times won't last forever.

I know you're cherishing these days, because I do, too--10 hours apart and 10 seconds at a time. It's a cryin' shame the joyful moments aren't closer together. The rest of the time I'm just paddling upstream, wondering why I thought it was a good idea to trap myself in a life with so much responsibility. Most of the time I question how on earth I thought I could handle having so many kids. Most of the time I wonder if there will ever be an end to the stress and duress, an end to disappointment of comparing reality of the mother I am compared to the mother I'd hoped to be, or an end the chaos overload. I'm pretty sure there will be some end--and at the end of it, will be a short little nugget of joy that I will not need help being told to enjoy because I will have worked my buns off in order to earn it. Like my twinners' Kindergarten graduation last week. I really enjoyed that. I cried. I beamed. I was so proud of my kids. I ate up their funny faces and cute dance moves. I smiled and took a million pics. I hugged my kids and squoze them tightly. I lived and LOVED that moment with my babies like no other. And then at the celebration after school my kids started fighting so my day turned suddenly back to the grind of mothering. That shift happened sooner than I planned. I had no control over their whining and crying. The joyous feeling everyone was sharing together came to a screeching halt and I had to teach them on the spot: the notorious work of a parent in order to earn another moment in time that would later be joyous for me.

It came today--that new happy moment to cherish. The kids made a fort out of the kitchen table and we weren't actually able to eat our dinner on it. 🤣 It made me laugh. They're so creative. They even cooperated with each other with no glitches (#win). When our house is clean they change it and make it "better". Nothing is allowed to be boringly sterilized or magazine worthy around these parts. Crazy little humans (I adore them).

So Mamas in the trenches (and Papas)--I'm here with you and for you. I have NOT forgotten just how rotten and exhausting these days can be. I'm going to pray for you (and for me) that the hard times shorten and the good times lengthen. But we're only going to get there "One Day at a Time". I know you eat up and treasure those priceless moments. Who wouldn't?  When you're feeling like crud, tho, just remember you have permission to NOT enjoy the throw up, boogers, potty accidents, screaming, whining, financial stress, anxiety, sticky stuff on your clothes, and whatever the heck else your mountain to climb is right now. 

Just know that you're going to get over that mountain someday and so will I.  You're rocking it Mama! I'll see you on the flip side.

Shiblon Syndrome Vs The Corianton Course

(By Guest Author Mitch Borden)

In the book of Mormon there is a story of a prophet named Alma who is the son of another prophet named Alma.  The second Alma is often called Alma the younger.  He had three sons, Helaman, Shiblon and Corianton.

For most of my adult life I have been a big fan of Shiblon. I wanted to be like Shiblon. When Alma the younger was about to die and giving final counsel to his sons; Helaman who was to be the next prophet received lots of  spiritual counsel and instructions, Corianton who had been wayward received a loving rebuke and lengthy instructions, and Shiblon got a verbal pat on the head equivalent to a 'good-boy'. I wanted to be Shiblon. 

I certainly didn't want to aspire to leadership or to be in the limelight. 

And I didn't want to screw up big time like Corianton I just wanted to do what was right and hope that someday somebody would tell me I've done a good job. That was my quiet secret desire. So much so that when I heard someone praising Shiblon I was jealous. He was MY hero. I, I was going to be like Shiblon, not this guy  speaking at the pulpit.

Now let me change direction briefly and I will come back around to Shiblon.

Have you ever felt that you're not good enough? Like no matter how hard you try you always fail. Have you ever felt completely insufficient? Have you ever felt worthless that you will never measure up? Do you feel like your best just isn't good enough? Well let me put all of your questioning to rest. You aren't! You aren't good enough you are insufficient you will never measure up. And it's ok. That is the message of the Gospel. Or rather; that is why the gospel message exists. That is why I need Christ. Because I have spent nearly 2 decades trying to be like somebody I know nothing about (Shiblon.)

Shiblon probably screwed up every day of his life. I can say that because I truly believe Jesus Christ is the only perfect being to ever walk the face of the earth. I imagined that Shiblon was near perfect and I was hoping to be like him. That if I could try a little harder and be a little better and sin a little less that I could receive somebody's quiet praise "good job."  But that is all a lie. I'm calling it the Shiblon syndrome. I think an overwhelming number of us are guilty of it. Cause we build up somebody we don't really know in our minds to be something they aren't and then judge ourselves for not being more like the fictitious version of somebody else. I'm done with that. I no longer want to be like Shiblon. I can be happy being like Corianton.  Corianton made mistakes, we know that because at least some of them are right there in black-and-white for everyone to read. Well I have made mistakes too. I am far from being the perfect fictitious version of Shiblon I held in my mind. But just because I have fallen short and I'm not good enough or worthy on my own does not mean the story ends there. 

As I said earlier this is why we have the gospel message this is why God sent his only son. Even though I've spent my life being taught this and have taught it to others for years and years; I am just barely really appreciating the fact. That until I accepted my own broken status. And my shortcomings and limitations I can never have the peace that he offers. I've held myself to the inaccurate belief that since I have accepted Him and repented that I need to be perfect now. I am so far from it. I am so acutely aware of my imperfections I get uncomfortable and it bothers me when I am praised for some bit of good I may have done. Because no matter how much I sacrifice, no matter how many profanities I refrain from shouting,no matter how much perceived good I do I am still imperfect in so many ways. The truth is I am insufficient. The truth is I am incapable of being better on my own.  But He, HE is capable. He is capable of taking sinners like me and Corianton and making us more. 

 There's a famous verse in the book of Mormon that says if all men were like Moroni (a spiritual and military leader alive at the same time) then the very powers of hell would be shaken forever. Less famous are the following verses that say that Helaman and his brothers were no less serviceable to the people. Did you hear that? Helaman' brothers Shiblon the good boy middle child and Corianton the sinner.  Corianton who is most famous for messing up, repented and became a force for good as strong as Shiblon, Helaman and Moroni.  I am abandoning the Shiblon syndrome of judging myself by an imaginary perfect person. And instead I'm trying to recognize that I am on what I will call the Corianton course.  I don't need to be perfect today. I would like to be, but for now I will have faith in Christ that he can turn me into who he would have me be.