Monday, September 15, 2014

I'm Too Intense for Myself....

Life has been super crazy for me lately.

Don't get me wrong - CRAZY is normal for me.  In fact, I usually live my life with a certain amount of intensity that other people don't approve of.

For example, my father in all of his loving kindness told me sometime earlier this year, "Quit trying to be superwoman all the time."

My husband is very supportive of everything I do, but I could tell that when the PTSO sent home a flier BEGGING for help this Spring, he would have checked HIMSELF into an insane assylum if I had run for any kind of office this year.  So I SQUASHED THAT THOUGHT, and I am just helping them with a fund raiser Fun Run in a couple months from now.

My father in law, also in all of his loving kindness has also told me to learn the word, "No."

My sister in law has also told me that when people ask me to do things I need to say no.  What's hilarious is that 2 days later she texted me from her vacation at the Homestead asking for a picture.  I was in the middle of moving & actually knew where it was. To relish the moment, I told her I would be happy to help her out, but someone gave me advice to say no, so I couldn't.  Hahaha!  I don't know why I think that's so funny.  Don't worry, I gave her the picture....  Well, wait.  Actually...I'm not sure if I did...her scrapbooking is on hold because she's not on vacation anymore, and I have this crazy problem that has developed since I gave birth to my 3rd child:  Sometimes I THINK about doing something, and once in a while, MY BRAIN checks it off of my mental list of things to do, because I THOUGHT about doing it, even though I never followed thru.  Heaven help me - I'm only 30.  So, Tina, if I didn't actually get that to you, please let me know.


I've come to find out that while I'm too intense for others sometimes, that once in a while LIFE happens, and that's when I've realized that I can be too intense for myself.

Usually when my life is stressful, I will blog as an outlet to my stress, and the pressure of what's going on is relieved, but I have been battling so much lately that I haven't even been able to relieve my stress thru blogging.  Over the last several months I have STARTED 7 posts and never finished them - they are currently saved in my Drafts folder - I need to learn how to write more concisely so that I can publish quicker...even this "quick" post is getting wordy.  In my spare time, maybe I can practice that.  I also have 4 posts started IN MY HEAD - deep thoughts I've been mulling over, fun things I want to remember, life in it's most perfect moments only saved in my memory.

So anyway.  That's where I am. Life got a little too intense for me this Spring.  My husband had a surgery where a highly precancerous tumor was removed & honestly I've never really been the same since - he's okay, and I'm okay, but WHILE he was recovering, we were in the cast of the Easter Pageant & had the neighbor boy coming with us & participated with my sister in law & nephew - such a beautiful experience that I don't regret in the slightest.  Then my brother came home from Guatemala.  Then my sister moved home from D.C., and then we had a million family activities during the short month that our entire family was home - it was profound & beautiful & exhausting.  Then my brother Heber went to Mexico for his mission & it ripped my heart out to say goodbye at the airport, but he's doing well & he's a great missionary.  And then I moved....MOVE is a FOUR LETTER WORD - I learned that I was a hoarder, and I worked with a therapist named Kristin (my amazing friend who volunteered so much to help me).  I literally touched everything I've ever owned and moved it.  And then we moved and I was blessed to become pregnant, but the 1st trimester is always the most emotionally exhausting & the scariest for our family as we have lost so many babies in the 1st trimester.  The Distinguished Young Women of AZ program just ended Saturday - I was over sponsorship this year & learned SO MUCH.  It was a great program - my piano studio has tripled, I am teaching preschool again, and doing daycare, and still need to finish unpacking, but I throw up a lot, because my morning sickness gets worse with every pregnancy.  Haha!

I just lost my lunch, but LIFE is good, and I am happy.

Obviously it's getting a little better, because I found a smidgin' of time today to blog.  It feels good to blog.  It's like a part of who I am inside is waking up again after this crazy whirlwind of stress on steroids that I've been thru.  We'll be emerging slowly, though. Maybe the intensity is dropping just a little - it's not dropping enough to allow me to edit this post, or add in italics or colored letters, or pull out emphasis.  But that's okay.

I'll be back again soon.