Reckless Love

Foster and adoptive parenting is the most reckless kind of love.

Taking your “perfect” family or “perfect life” and opening it up to “kids with problems”? 

Reckless.

Signing up to knowingly parent a child who could have a lifelong battle overcoming their traumas?

Reckless.

Choosing to jump in the fire when no one else will because it’s too scary to them?

Reckless.

Being there for a child you are going to lose?

Reckless.

Saying yes when people will call you crazy and who tell you you should say no?

Reckless.

Allowing your home to be evaluated and judged on safety at any given moment that the case workers feel like popping in?

Reckless.

Allowing your parenting style to be judged by therapists, coaches, and caseworkers?

Reckless.

Continuing to foster when you KNOW good families who have been eaten alive by the system (the system is NOT SAFE for ANYONE—the kids or the families who help alike)?

Reckless. Maybe extra reckless.

A friend recently asked me what the “benefits” are of kinship foster parenting. 

The more I mull over that question, the more I laugh at the irony. 

Besides being able to pray to Mother Teresa ? Besides spending a temporary amount of time with a little person who needs love? Besides knowing that one less child in this world is staying in a shelter, group home, or DCS case office? Aside from those types of benefits, THERE ARE NONE!

It’s 100% Reckless. MAYBE 1,000% RECKLESS.

Knowing that people lose homes and marriages over the financial and emotional strains that come from jumping into this type of fire, and DOING IT ANYWAY???

RECKLESS LOVE!

What’s so beautiful about the foster adoption journey is that every day it teaches me more and more about GOD’S Reckless Love for all His children. It’s uncomfortable, it’s unconditional, it’s work, it’s selfless, it’s exhausting, it’s fulfilling, it makes me broken which I know is what makes me strong, it’s teaching my kids things they couldn’t possibly learn in any other way at this phase of their lives, it’s life-changing, it’s contradictory, it challenges the framing of the way I had ever looked at EVERYTHING. And it’s almost like the more people tell me I shouldn’t be or don’t need to be doing this, the MORE I WANT TO. The fear of the unknown used to terrify me and my husband but we took the leap of faith anyway. The fear of the worst case scenarios used to basically cripple me but now that I’ve been a parent with bio, foster, and adoptive kids, the concept of this reckless foster love almost gives me an adrenaline rush (it’s easy to be excited about it since I’m writing this as the kids are sleeping; when they wake up it’s all back to work again...😂.)

The passion of believing that everyone “should” adopt is part of what led me to where I am today. Now I understand that not everyone can or should. But I’ve learned that just because it’s a hard path to take doesn’t mean that my husband and I “shouldn’t”. And certainly, just because someone else couldn’t or wouldn’t choose to do it, doesn’t mean for one second that it’s not the right path for us to give this kind of life our very best shot.

I have learned that I don’t need other people to get me or understand me. I just need to be me, and when I am authentic to who I am and who I want to be (the person God has called me to be), that makes me happy. 

Even if it’s reckless to be me. 

Here are 2 Christian Songs that explain in beautiful ways just how Reckless God Himself can be:

Reckless Love by Cory Asbury

So Will I by Hillsong United

Dear Dr. Seal: Thank You for Making Miracles Happen

How do you say thank you to someone who gives you a gift that cannot be returned? And I don’t mean returned to the store, especially because I’m referring to the man who was my baby doctor. It’s beyond impossible to return babies upon delivery—not just physically impossible—a mother would strangle anyone who tried to push a baby back in, right? But really, I want to know: How am I supposed to reciprocate the gifts that were given to me by Dr. Seal? There’s just no way. So as best as I can I’m going to try to share just a glimpse of my experience with this doctor in the last 15 years:

To the man who called my uterus a Democrat (because it angles “off to the Left”)....

To the man who said he was putting on his “birthday suit” (doctor’s clothes for delivery) while I was trying NOT to push Baby Jude out....

To the man who made up quirky songs during office visits and deliveries....

To the man who reassured me with more conviction than anyone that my miscarried children count....

To the man who calmed my heart over some hurts related to women’s sexual health....

To the man who has been on the front edge of stopping and/or slowing the onset of potential breast cancer, thyroid cancer, basal cell and pre-melanoma related problems for me....

To the man who gave me the medical path and tools to get my life back after I crashed with adrenal fatigue....

To the man who never took chances with my health or any of my babies’ health care needs and who fought for me and my babies when other medical professionals wouldn’t....

To the man who ensured that a husband and wife who thought they would never have children would become parents of 5 biological children of our own to raise in this lifetime (we would not have been able to have had ANY of our boys without the assistance of Dr. Seal who made it possible for us to stay pregnant through an endless list of complications)....

To the man who just this year walked me AND my sisters thru 3 high-risk pregnancies and miraculously got us AND our babies all safely thru to THIS side....

HOW can you adequately say thank you for all of that?

This is the man with whom I have trusted my life and my children’s lives. You can’t just TRUST anyone with that, you know? It’s something that has to be earned. And boy did this man earn his title as doctor. He really did practice medicine. He really did know more than anyone else about Contemporary Obstetrics, Gynecological Care, and Women’s Health and he was also on the front edge of catching cancers that weren’t even related to his field—he was always guiding his patients to the right place for their other medical concerns (including my husband to the doctor who caught his highly precancerous colon tumor). Earlier this year I went to the surgeon, Dr. Runfola, who spoke highly of Dr. Seal. As I told him story after story of what this doctor has done for me and people in my circle alone, the surgeon said, “You’re not telling me anything that surprises me or that I haven’t heard before. He has helped so many people. Doctor Seal’s first name will always be “Doctor” to me because he is the real deal. He is a REAL doctor.” 

Just a couple days ago I was in Dr. Seal’s office. I asked him a question about my adrenal health vitamins and for the first time in all my years in his care, he turned the question of what to do back on me, “Why don’t you change that?” He actually asked me that question twice during my visit. I left my appointment empowered and have thought about what he said and the way he said it for a couple days. Now that he has  suddenly passed away, I realize that this week my trusted doctor turned my health care back over to me. He was telling me to listen to my body and to trust myself. So I will. But man, I’m really going to miss having a medical professional who knows me and my story inside and out and who could remember it even without looking at my charts. I’m going to miss the way my doctor would advocate and fight for my needs and my baby’s needs. I’ll never forget the way he would pick up the phone exasperated in an appointment, dial a number furiously, and explain the what-for to the people who ignored his orders for patients like me. He would say things like, “My name is Dr. Seal. I’m not just ANY doctor. PUT MY NAME IN LIGHTS!!!” Or he would say something like, “Don’t let (insert name) work with any of my patients ever again!” More than once he would open doors that had been closed to me medically and when he’d hang up the phone having an appointment scheduled in my behalf, he’d smile with satisfaction and say, “That’s how you get it done.” 

I’m really going to miss having a doctor who was willing to fight for ME like that. 

Thank you Dr. Seal for getting my kids here safely, for making sure I COULD have kids, for knowing my story inside and out, for never taking chances with my health, and for saving the lives of so many people I love. God has worked many miracles through your hands. We’ll always love you and remember you for that. 

Dr. Seal’s miracles of 2019

My last baby with my best doctor 

The children I thought I could never have

The miracle of enjoying pregnancy with my sisters

The beautiful family I never thought I’d get to have