Sunday, January 5, 2014

I Need Jesus

So often in my life I feel like my best just isn't good enough.
  It's not good enough for me.
It's not good enough to keep my house clean.
     It's not good enough to be the wife, sister, mother, or friend I want to be.
  It's not good enough to get all the kids' needs met efficiently.
    It's not good enough to make my high & lofty daily goals come to fruition.
It's not good enough to get all the jobs I need done for church done in exactly the way I envisioned.

     Essentially, my BEST efforts NEVER MEASURE UP in anything!

And then I find Jesus.

No, it isn't the first time.

It happens over and over again.

When I am DONE whipping up worry, and stress, and get sick of believing that what I'm working on WON'T come together....  When I finally recognize that by trying to be "in control" of everything has turned my situation to something that is OUT of CONTROL.... When I choose in my heart to turn it over to the Lord...that's when I find Him again.

He's there.

He always has been.

He always will be.

And He knows that I will forget this lesson--maybe even tomorrow.

But He waits patiently until I turn to Him again.

It so happens that in this moment when peace floods my heart that I remember He was always there and I shouldn't have been so worried.  We put our best foot forward and HE makes up the difference - EVERY TIME.  Whether it be a personal endeavor, a community service, a family struggle, or any other problem, assignmnet, or challenge we might face, He is there!  He is steady.  He waits for us to hand over the reigns to Him...(of course, He was already in control before we turned the control back over to Him). 

I am always amazed at the grace and beauty of Christ's love, and for the way it touches the various aspects of my life - usually the smallest details are the ones that amaze me the most.  Why would He care to make that final touch happen?  But He does, because He knows us, and He knows how to speak to us in ways that no one else can - it's through the little things.  It's in the details that we remember Him, because He has remembered us.

It's in those seemingly insignificant but undeniably small miracles that I feel most strongly of all that I need Jesus. I can only hope that tomorrow when I try to rely on my own strength that I will remember He is in the details BEFORE I despair, that I will see His hand blessing me as I walk IN the journey & not just when I look back at the end, and that I will walk with peace in my heart before I've doubted.

Every day this year, I pray that I will seek the Lord. 

That I will find Him. ...Love Him. ...TRUST in Him. 

I pray my kids will always do the same.